(s)motheringsuburbia

Seriously

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 19:45:00 +0000

Remember when I wrote about my book club? There must have been a subtext written in the initial invite that read: are you super fertile? like if your husband bumps into you in the kitchen and you're ovulating you'll get pregnant fertile? Then totally join this book club, you'll be in good company.

I apparently, missed that part. Another person in my book club is pregnant. With twins. This started out as a group of 8 women and this is the second set of spontaneously conceived twins. One mom moved and I invited a friend to join, she and I are the lone one kid and not expecting gals out of a group that started out not quite three years ago as women who had one child or were pregnant with their first. One woman has 4 children now. I've been happy for every one of them because hey, they're cool and fun and good friends. But DAMN. How could I have fallen into a group so far on the other side of the tracks from me? I need to delve further into my current hypothesis which is that instead of viable eggs my ovaries are full of chic-lets. Had a real baby not emerged from my uterus I would suspect that it did not exist either and was probably a repository for diet dr. pepper bottles and smarties wrappers.

Last month I had my annual exam with my gynecologist and since I saw her a year ago she had a baby (her 2nd, her oldest is 2). She was asking about whether I'd be trying to have another baby and I told her the truth, if it were easy then I would but since it's not, I'm kind of getting over it. It's nice to get sleep and be able to go out and do things that aren't so easy when you have an infant. I'm slowly letting go of the thoughts of another child. I'm still hanging on to the baby stuff for now but it just doesn't seem like the universe is going to align properly to make things happen. Life goes on. Not like you wanted it to or planned for it to, but it does. And it's far easier to focus on what I have rather than what I don't. And I'm lucky, I have a healthy child, not everyone gets that.

Losing battle

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 19:42:00 +0000

Do you ever think that your efforts at raising children keep getting harder because the depths of lunacy people will go to means there's yet another thing you need to teach your kids. But then again, you'd assume that a grown up would know that pretending to be an NFL cheerleader and having the balls to show up at the reunion when you don't really even know how to dance is a stupid idea. Or that crashing a party at the White House might not be so smart. I am of course speaking of the idiot Salahi couple who, hilariously, claimed that their polo tournament was founded on the 300th anniversary of the founding of our country. So yes, in addition to being party crashers, they can travel into the future! You'd think with that power they would have done something other than attend a state dinner and fake some Redskins cheerleading moves but I suppose not everyone thinks that super powers should be used for good instead of evil.

I also read somewhere that a source is saying that Kate Gosselin has her sights set on Liam Neeson but she's being sensitive to his mourning period around his wife's death and not swooping in right now. Again, delusional much?

Speaking of delusional I'm so freaking cold that I've kind of convinced myself that snuggie would be not only functional but cute.

I cannot multi-task

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:37:00 +0000

I started a running focused blog and clearly I can't focus on more than one thing at a time. And thanks to twitter if I ever do actually find a job and go back to work, I really hope that they don't expect me to focus on anything for longer than say, 10 seconds, because that will be impossible.

There's really nothing exciting to report, I ran my 7th marathon a few weeks ago and it, in a word, sucked. But I finished and thank god it's done. The tiny dictator is sick so we are spending our days trying to entertain her and lasting about an hour before we cave to her television demands.

Today I saw a cute little children's choir on the news singing at some dedication of something (Laura Bush was in attendance) and it reminded me of the time my mom and I were in the Newark airport a few years ago. We had a ridiculous layover, like 6 hours or something, on our way to London. It was black history month and they had rotating groups of children singing in our terminal. We were sitting there and watching and one particular group of kids were singing and my mom chuckled and said "boy, I really need to put on my glasses because with my eyesight I thought those kids t-shirts said Whitney Houston elementary school." I could read them clearly and they did in fact say Whitney Houston Elementary School. Is there some sort of protocol for when you name your elementary school after someone and they turn out to be a crack head and batshit crazy? How much would you love it if your kid went to school there? For that reason I think schools should only be named after dead people. Because parents of Howard Hughes Middle School, you might think it's a good idea at the time to name your school after a cool aviator and bazillionaire but sometimes those guys turn into germophobes with long hair and fingernails wearing Kleenex boxes for shoes. Just saying.

And anyone else think the guy who changed his Facebook status to "married" from the altar is kind of douche-y? Also, anyone have friends play out divorce drama on Facebook, beginning with just changing their status from married to single and then waiting for all the comments? I have now seen this happen twice and I have hardly any Facebook friends. Why don't they have a Facebook spin off for break-ups, called it Ex-book and you can let the whole melodrama unfold there instead. Like: Tiger Woods is wishing he hadn't taught his wife how to play golf.

Does Jon Hamm like animal crackers?

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:15:00 +0000

Last year I was again sucked into the lure of Williams Sonoma, and once there wanted to buy everything in the store. I did buy some animal cracker cookie cutters. Oh, I thought, this will be awesome, I can just make my own animal crackers and Ellie will love them and oh my god I am going to soon dethrone Martha Stewart because I am such a domesticated genius. Where shall I start in the poking of holes in that whole deluded thought? Let me start with calling out whoever that mean person is who printed the recipe. Don't you know that some of us mothers didn't have our children in high school? Meaning we are OLD. Well, specifically meaning, I cannot read a recipe on the box of animal cracker cookie cutters in 8 point type without some sort of reading glasses which my toddler has absconded with. So thank you for making me feel old, something I really didn't think a cookie cutter could do.

Perhaps if I'd had my glasses at the store I would have realized that the recipe had too many ingredients AND required refrigeration of the dough. Like I have that kind of time. But I was determined to crank out these tasty treats for my child. As I was rolling out the dough I had visions of my animal crackers being featured on the Today Show. Matt Lauer would interview me. Jon Hamm would be a guest that day and taste one of the animal crackers and fall in love with me. Except refrigeration of that damn dough made it really hard to roll out, then it got warm and stuck to the cookie cutters, then I tried to transfer them to the cookie sheet and they fell apart. Then I baked a few and they burned. Then I threw the rest of the dough away, put those cookie cutters on the top shelf of the pantry and set my mind on other ways to attract the attention of Jon Hamm.

Today I thought of those cookie cutters while I was eating some animal crackers. You know, the ones that come in a GIANT tub for $10 at costco. Who in their right mind makes animal crackers? The homemade marshmallows I am totally down with but animal crackers, that's sheer lunacy.

Don't get too full of yourself mommy

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:38:00 +0000

The other day, a particularly trying day since my daughter decided not to nap, I was hooking her into her car seat and she put her arms around my neck and said "I love you so much." And oh yeah, I saw the cute side of 2. Last night after she was in bed I heard her reading and talking and then looked to see her pick up her stuffed monkey and said "I love you George." Ok, she did say she loved me so much and she just simply loved George so I'm still better than the toy but it did kind of knock me down a peg.

Did anyone see this headline on Yahoo today?

Can robots be programmed to make ethical decisions?

Did I miss that big announcement how robots have been programmed to clean your house and fold your laundry and pick up the dog poop in the back yard? Because that's what we need the robots to do, isn't it? I don't wish there were more hours in the day so I could tackle all those weighty ethical decisions I just can't get to. Well here's a doozy, I know, "Roomba, vacuum yourself over here and figure out if we should put grandma in a nursing home," thank god we had that robot here to solve that!

Yeah yeah I know i watch too much television

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 01:57:00 +0000

But this web ad pops up on Yahoo and I immediately notice - that's Alan from Sesame Street. I don't think I'm seeing things here, that IS Alan right? It really freaks me out to see children's television stars out of their natural habitat, like when you were a kid and saw your teacher in the grocery store and it made no sense because obviously she lives at school and why would she go to the grocery store when she has access to those cafeteria sloppy joes 24/7?

Nightmares and cats

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 18:08:00 +0000

It rained torrentially here on Friday and Saturday and quite frankly we are so spoiled by our year round good weather (even the hot stuff) that most every day revolves around some sort of outside activity. So when nerves were wearing thin on Saturday afternoon, Ellie put on her raincoat and grabbed her monkey umbrella and we headed to an indoor playscape/coffee shop. Now I had already anticipated that it would be kind of crazy but I've been there on a weekend before so I thought I knew the scope of insanity we'd be dealing with. Do you hear that noise? Yes that's probably every last one of you chuckling because clearly I am so very stupid. It was like if you took every child who has ever been on Super Nanny and their dumb parents and sent them to this place. I expect that children will attempt to walk up the slides, that's what kids do. But I also sort of expect that parents will be kind of supervising their kids and notice that when their kid is climbing up a slide and a child is sliding full bore into them, maybe you should tell your kid to get off the slide. I do not expect the dads of these children to be walking up the slides. Seriously, what kind of grown up are you?

After literally 10 minutes of being seriously concerned about my child's safety, I left. Oh, I have a great idea, let's go to the paint your own pottery place I thought. That would have been a great idea if I'd been driving the deLorean from Back to the Future because apparently the paint your own pottery place closed down. From the looks of the abandoned storefront, several months ago. Because she was being a total good sport about the whole ordeal I really figured I owed Ellie some outing. At this point all I could think of was PetSmart.

Well we hit paydirt at PetSmart. Now we've been there before but every time Ellie is amazed at what she finds "LOOK mama, I found a TURTLE!" Imagine that, right there in the tank with that turtle sign on the front. But the best part was the cat adoption area. It appears that it is someone's job to come up with sales pitches for the cats. I had to photograph them because I'm afraid no one would believe that there's a "gossiping" cat available for the asking right up there at PetSmart.

Calling all weirdos

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 17:24:00 +0000

I was going to post on the nightmare that was my Saturday and maybe even touch on the epic toddler meltdown at art class this morning that left said toddler and mother covered in tempera paint. And then I came across this piece of awesome journalism:

The 10 Weird Ways to have a Baby.

I don't know, perhaps I'm a tad sensitive but I think to call surrogacy or embryo adoption or a gay couple adopting a child from a homeless woman "weird" is well, crappy. Families are made lots of different ways and the desire to have a family however you can make it happen is far from weird. I'd even venture as far as to say that it's "normal."

Perspective

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:33:00 +0000

After I watched Mad Men again last night - Ellie was having some issues getting to sleep on Sunday night during the show so I missed some of it - I was trying to find something else to watch. I stumbled upon a documentary called Beyond Belief. And, well, oh my god.

It's about two amazing women who lost their husbands on 9/11, Susan and Patti. They are amazing in so many ways. Because they were able to not just keep life moving forward in a positive way for themselves and their children but also for women and children half a world away. They decided to help widows in Afghanistan. They partnered with CARE and raised money to help these women become self-sufficent and support their children. They decided that they really needed to travel to Afghanistan and meet these women. I was thinking "no way would I do that, too dangerous." They acknowledged the danger and their trepidation but after watching their experience there I get it.

Women and particularly widows in Afghanistan live in such poverty and in the most primitive conditions. Many can barely feed their children much less send them to school. Susan and Patti give them the tools to change that. There were a couple of moments that really struck me. First, Patti and Susan were meeting with a group of the women that they are helping and asked if any would ever remarry. They all emphatically said no. Then they explained, in Afghanistan if you remarry you must leave your children behind with your husband's family. At another point they were talking about their children and the Afghani women asked Patti and Susan to send pictures of their children and their houses. Susan started to cry and said thinking about that made her embarrassed, because she has so much and these women have so little and how it's not fair. As she said that I was having the very same thoughts.

I do have so much. I will never have to worry about feeding or educating my child. I will never have to contemplate leaving my child behind. Yes these are lean times for our family and our country. But honestly, I don't think we know what lean times really are. I am lucky, I already won the lottery, I was born in the United States. I'm not a cocky American, I don't think I'm better than anyone else because I live here. But I'm pretty damn thankful that I do live here.

Um, what?

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 18:47:00 +0000

On any given day I think I have early onset alzheimer's, hearing loss, vision loss, and or some other kind of dementia. In reality I think it's just that I am distracted by stupid things like reality tv and serious things like nobody having jobs and trying to figure out health insurance. But oh my, in the last few days I feel like I'm completely nutters. To wit:

The tv was on and I was half listening to a commercial and getting a load of laundry out the dryer. The commercial said "do you hate cat owners?" and I'm thinking hmmm, some of them ARE kind of weird but some of my friends have cats and they're pretty normal and not hoarders or anything.....hey, what kind of commercial is this? The kind of commercial that's for cat litter and asks if you hate cat "odors." Oh, ok then.
I'm running this morning and I see a guy running towards me and wonder why he's running with that goat on a leash. Probably because it's not a goat, it's a dog you dumbass.
Am getting freakily bothered by grammar errors by people on twitter. Like it matters.

Maybe it's the whole "mommy brain" thing. I try to keep lots of brain space free for the "don't forget the kid in the car" reminders. Speaking of the kid. We went to hobby lobby yesterday to get supplies for her halloween costume which I'm amazed they had given that nearly a third of the store is full of christmas decorations. In one of the aisles, Ellie spotted her latest fixation, scissors. She is always wanting to use scissors so I located a pair of kids' scissors and got them. Had I known the power of scissors I would have employed them as a potty training treat. This morning right after she woke up she asked "where are my purple scissors?" We did have to institute a new house rule. Scissors are for paper, not for cutting mommy's flip flops. I don't even want to mention hair because when we tell her not to do something it's like a dare.

And now she's dead

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 17:30:00 +0000

Well if dishwashers are considered female, like ships and such, then she's dead. My mother's dishwasher that is. How prescient my post on that dishwasher turned out to be. My mother called the repairman because the dishwasher was no longer draining. She said he spent the entire time he was there shaking his head and asking questions like "do you actually USE this?" He asked her if it got the dishes clean. "Well, no, actually. We pretty much wash them and then put them in the dishwasher and they get dirty and then I hand wash them after I unload them" she replied. The lock is broken ($200), the pump is broken, you know the thing that spins and sprays the water? Yeah, that's broken. When he got to about $600 in potential repairs, he stopped and said "once the repairs get more expensive than the appliance, I stop." He said he'd never actually seen a dishwasher in that condition that someone was trying to use.

It's interesting because my mother's frugality extends really only to appliances and honestly, she has amazing luck with them. She only replaced her washer and dryer a few years ago. The washer and dryer she got when she was first married. In 1967. And it kind of killed her a little bit to buy a new dishwasher because "I figure I'm only going to be in this house another 10 years or so."

Here's something that doesn't suck today. California grilled pizza. It's a Barefoot Contessa recipe inspired by Alice Waters. I've made it many times and it's always good. We're having it tonight, we usually do just pesto and veggies and cheese. In a nod to Alice Waters, we're having a local artisan goat cheese on ours.

Strings attached

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:26:00 +0000

We read a book recently about a Halloween Party (Curious George of course) so today I was talking to my daughter about Halloween. We were thinking of costumes and I told her that she can go to people's houses and say "trick or treat" and they will give her candy. Her only question was whether she has to go potty on the toilet in order to get that candy. Um....yes, yes you do.

Today we had to drive 20 minutes to go to Whole Foods. I can't believe that, we live in the where Whole Foods started, you'd think they'd be all over the place and yet, no. The one nearest our house is small and located in a mall where traffic sucks so you can never go on a weekend because it's too crowded. But I had to go because they are the only place that carries my oatmeal. Seriously, get that oatmeal, it's so good. I'm trying to follow what Dr. Oz says these days and he's a big proponent of oatmeal. He also says you should have sex twice a week but I'm guessing he doesn't have a two year old who got up for an hour and a half the other night to talk and read books at midnight and then didn't sleep any later in the morning.

Also, here's something else that doesn't suck. The Brothers All Natural Freeze Dried Fuji Apples. We get the Disney ones at Costco and it's like $8 for a package of 20. I can't stop eating those things. The wee one loves them too. I've seen some people complain because they are made in China but I don't care if they are coated with a thin layer of lead and formaldehyde, they taste good and I've been eating them for a while and I'm not dead yet. I sort of think I have early onset Alzheimer's but really that preceded my apple consumption so they probably aren't related. And the other day as we drove home from the library someone in the back seat told me "I'm licking my library books" so I've got bigger issues than dried fruit from China.

Curious George

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 17:27:00 +0000

I'm not sure why I can suspend my disbelief in many children's books and television shows but not with Curious George. But he has been bugging the crap out of me recently. Let me break it down for you.

Curious George Feeds the Animals Book: George goes to the zoo to see some new exhibit. But the opening is delayed so he has to kill some time so he and the man with the yellow hat (TMWTYH) check out the zoo. They see a zoo keeper feeding the seals. That looks like fun George thinks. TMWTYH buys George some peanuts so he can have a snack. So of course he starts feeding the animals. A zoo keeper gets pissed at him and comes after him. George tries to hide from him by standing next to the sign pointing the way to the monkeys. The monkeys on the sign look just like George. The zoo keeper sees George and tells him that he's not supposed to feed the animals because they could get sick. Crazy part: The monkeys on the sign look just like George. How come the zoo keeper doesn't think that George is an escaped monkey from that zoo???

TV Show: Curious George goes for a rocket ride. TMWTYH is going to go to the space station and deliver some food to the astronauts there because they've run out of food. But as they are showing him how to drop off the food payload they discover that he can't press all 4 control buttons at once so he can't go on the mission. But wait! George has 4 hands, he can do it! So George gets go go into space. Crazy parts: They have a space suit that fits George. Including boots that are fitted around his monkey feet. They are also taking some things to send to the space station: a raccoon which they explain is so they can study the effects of space on it, some ants for the same purpose as the raccoon, and a container that they don't say what's in there. When they get into space George of course takes it out and it's filled with toys. Why are they taking toys into space? They didn't even know George was going so it's not for him. Are they for the raccoon? Because the raccoon seemed way more interested in the food.

And a general crazy thing about the show, people are always leaving George alone in some place like the train station master's office, a restaurant kitchen, or the band concert hall saying something like "well he can't get into any trouble in here." Is anyone else thinking - he's a MONKEY! He's nothing but trouble. The only place he's not going to get in trouble is in a bare prison cell and even then he's probably going to be throwing poop before long.

And what's with the arbitrary discipline of TMWTYH? He's very strict at enforcing bed time but that damn monkey is wandering the city alone most of the day.

Not a sign of things to come I hope

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:07:00 +0000

When my daughter wakes up in the morning she hangs out in her crib for a while and chatters then calls us when she's ready to get out. Except this morning I was abruptly awoken by the baby monitor relaying this "Mommy, I'm taking my pants off!" She said she didn't want a sleep sack last night (probably because she was plotting the de-pantsing all night) so she was pretty excited to have such free access to clothing for removal. Though I usually like to lounge a few minutes after I wake up I had to immediately go get her because I was afraid diaper might be next and good thing because (as usual) that diaper was full of poop. So I guess we're sliding right into the exhibitionist phase of toddlerhood.

I had an interesting facebook development yesterday. A guy I used to date sent me a friend request. A guy I dated for a year until he abruptly dumped me because he had decided to marry his friend's fiancee. It wasn't like he was the love of my life or anything but still, I felt betrayed. Especially when my friend's husband (who worked with this guy and had set me up with him in the first place) said "well I'm not surprised, he slept with his old girlfriend when we had that business trip to New York." I could tell by my friend's expression that this was the first time she had heard it too and she was pissed at her husband for not telling her. I accepted his invite because, who doesn't want the free access to see how things turned out? I've never seen the woman and I want a glimpse into his life. It's an interesting contrast to some of the other recent friend requests I've gotten. Like a guy I went to high school with but wasn't really friends with and don't ever even recall talking to him. And a guy from law school who I don't remember at all. I understand reaching out to old friends and people you lost touch with but people you don't really know? Just seems weird.

On to something more fun. Today's toddler sized non-suckiness. The toy site oompa.com has some really great stuff. Particularly these Haba blocks. My daughter got two sets of them when she was about 6 months old and she has been playing with them ever since. They're cool because they are brightly colored and some of the blocks have little surprises built in like a bell or kaleidoscope type filter. I love that they are a great toy that grows with your child, we've had bigger kids (aged 5-7) over and even they've even enjoyed building with them. The one downside is that they are equally appealing to our dog, we've fished several pieces out of his mouth so a few of ours have deep dog teeth gouges in them.

Job hunting

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:20:00 +0000

Honestly it would be my preference to stay home a while longer and ideally have another baby (that chuckling you hear, that's god). But since we've been without an income for a year, I have to suck it up and put myself out there and try to find something. But it's getting a little depressing. I'm sending resumes for jobs that are a perfect fit for me, I've let all my contacts know I'm looking, I'm finding connections through linkedin at the companies where I've seen positions. And nothing. I've even applied for jobs I'm way overqualified for, and part-time stuff that has health benefits. We're doing ok financially but it makes me sick to tap into our savings every month. I need to get a recession proof job like news anchor or comedy writer.

Oh and I read in the paper yesterday about a guy who I went to high school with. His family bought the Chicago Cubs and Wrigley Field. So I guess the recession hasn't really hit them so hard.

Ok my pity party is over, I took dinner to a neighbor last night who was in a head on collision a year ago with her kids (kids were ok) and was badly injured and has had many surgeries and just recently spent a month in the hospital with a staph infection. So I totally get that I am in very respects, fortunate.

But it is a bit aggravating to see people like that dumbass Nady Suleman making money. I happened to catch a few minutes of that show of hers the other night. The part I saw was where she was holding each baby up and saying something about their personality. I think 7 of the babies were crying and she didn't really even seem to notice, she'd just pick one up and say "this is mikayahahaia (i can't remember exact names), he/she is very thoughtful" and then she'd do something like try to have the baby stand up. It was ridiculous on so many levels. I think it's so strange when people try and assign all these very mature labels to their infants. Oh we call him the professor because he's always in deep thought. Really? I know babies probably understand more than we think they do but a 3 month old baby isn't solving quadratic equations in his head, he's thinking - should I cry or poop? Also, It seems to me that people who are trying to have an infant stand up and are smothering their face with kisses instead of perhaps trying to comfort them since they are crying and so are their 7 infant siblings might not be all that nurturing. There was also a scene where her 2'ish year old slapped her and called her a bitch. And where she was talking on the phone to someone and told them that her mom got sprayed by a skunk so she made her ride in the trunk and she drove fast and crazy and it was hilarious to hear her mom rolling around in the trunk. So yep, a whole lotta crazy. I must revisit my friend Charlie's theory on people like this. Stupid people have lots of kids (also stupid) because when they go out into the world not all of them are going to "stick." I think it's really Darwin's theory, by my Charlie's wording is funnier.

Cash for clunkers, appliance edition

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 17:51:00 +0000

There was something in the Wall Street Journal yesterday about a cash for clunkers type program that's been authorized for appliances. It's supposed to start this fall and will provide something like $200 toward the purchase of an energy star appliance. I was telling my mom this last night on the phone and she said "maybe I should get a new oven, or maybe a new dishwasher." "Oh I don't know, are you sure your dishwasher would qualify as a clunker?" I asked. When my mother stopped laughing hysterically we went through the various merits of each appliance. I think the oven is the original one from when the house was built 40 years ago. The dishwasher is not much younger.

The dishwasher:

Has racks that have about 3 prongs on them, how do the prongs on a dishwasher rack go missing?
The utensil basket has about 4 compartments that have melted through causing holes so when you put a knife in there it just falls right through.
Because of the wonky racks and general design, the dishwasher hold about 3 plates and 8 cups and 2 place settings of silverware. So my mother is running it constantly and it's just her and my stepfather. And they eat out a lot.
It gets ridiculously hot, to the point where it smells like melted rubber and plastic every time it is running.
It is so loud that in order for my nearly deaf step father to hear the television above it he has to turn the tv on so loud the walls in the house shake. I suspect that the melty smell is whatever provides sound insulation.
The lock on the dishwasher is broken so my mother uses the handle of one of her hair coloring tools (she likes to color her own hair about once a week) to lock it.

The oven:

Is small, a 10 pound turkey takes up the entire oven.
Doesn't appear to have any connection from the temperature you set it at and the internal oven temperature. Basically we put something in there and hope in a few hours it's done. My mother is the oven whisperer, she is the only one who can get something to bake the way it is supposed to despite having no way to gauge the temperature. Yes, she knows that they sell oven thermometers but the area in Target where they are located is too close to the endcaps of discount housewares and she always gets distracted.
Has some part of every meal ever cooked in it on the bottom or side of it. I'm sure there's probably some theoretical self clean setting on it but the last time my mother tried it (many years ago) it started a fire.

We did agree that the dishwasher could pick up where the oven is lacking, it does get quite hot so perhaps you could cook things in there. Well not things that require crispiness but perhaps a little poaching.

Old School Sesame Street

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 17:14:00 +0000

Yesterday we went to the library to try yet again the disaster that is toddler story time. I love our local library, they had a great program called lap sit story time that we went to all the time when Ellie was a baby. Then when she started walking it was time to move to the next group. Except she was distracted by all of the other kids who had snacks (which is against the posted RULES of story time) and I think she just wasn't developmentally ready to sit still and listen to a book in a room crowded with children. So as to not disturb all of the other children, I decided to stop going until she got a little older. Well now she's old enough and can sit and listen to a book but is now distracted by all the other kids whose mothers can't figure out that if your kid runs around and climbs under the chairs the entire duration of story time, perhaps they aren't ready for it. I gave up half way through when the woman in front of us (grandma I think) continuously moved around (to locate her charge who had crawled behind something) and kept blocking Ellie's view of the book. Seriously lady, you're like 6 feet tall and you sit in the FRONT ROW of toddler story time directly in front of the librarian - did it occur to you that perhaps the children who are not quite half your height might not be able to see??

Anyway, I needed to pick up my book club selection for this month and I checked out a few videos. One of them was Old School Sesame Street. I saw Tina Fey discussing this a while back on Conan because there's a warning that it is for adult entertainment (?) use only and may not be appropriate for today's preschooler. Conan asked why and she said that the kids sing songs like "Let's all go into a stranger's house" and such. I myself am all for that kind of lesson because strangers usually have the best candy so I disregarded that warning and popped the DVD right in. Well it's AWESOME. And I'm not understating it. Not only is Ellie really into it but I'm pretty much entranced. We're watching it and up pops Judy Collins with a harpsichord singing a song. Judy Collins is my mother's favorite singer, I grew up listening to her (and to this day love her) and was named Suzanne because my mother so loved her version Leonard Cohen's song by that name. Also on these DVDs' - Paul Simon and Ray Charles. It is such a treat to watch, and I'm really getting into Roosevelt Franklin elementary school.

Speaking of that era, around the anniversary of the moon landing, Ellie got really interested in this youtube video of the moon landing. It's very cool but I was looking at those pictures and thought, I seriously cannot believe that the technology 40 years ago sent men to the moon and got them back to earth not dead. There's a picture of the astronauts walking to their rocket (or whatever the hell it's called) carrying some equipment and it looks like they are outfitted with equipment made of old vacuum cleaner parts.

Yes, it's EXACTLY like that

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:45:00 +0000

This morning I went to the grocery store and was behind a car that had this bumper sticker:

CHANGE is also what Germany wanted in 1932.

The CHANGE part was written in the style of the Obama campaign materials. I was so infuriated I was literally shaking. Yes, I believe in free speech and that means protecting the speech you find most abhorrent. Well I guess this is a good test because it is ignorant, irresponsible, and disrespectful to compare (even in these lovely veiled terms) Barack Obama to Hitler. The comparison has been thrown around a lot lately - "you know who didn't allow opposition to be heard at rallies - HITLER! You know who had 'death panels' - HITLER!"

It disrespects the memory of the 11 million people who died under Hitler's hand to make these comparisons. It's disrespectful of this country's president to make such a horrid comparison. And I would have said the same thing if anyone had called Bush Hitler. Inflammatory rhetoric advances no one's cause. If you don't agree with the president's policies or positions, fine. Respond in an appropriate and effective manner, point out the LOGICAL reasons why you don't agree.

And before you say someone is like Hitler, go visit the Holocaust Museum. See the faces of the children who perished in concentration camps. Look at the shoes removed from people before they were sent to their deaths. See a railcar that contained entire families who were killed. And then honor those people by not trivializing the evil that Hitler was by making such flippant comparisons.

Baby monitor chatter

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 18:17:00 +0000

When the little one goes down for her daily nap, it's somewhat entertaining to listen to her chatter away. Today she was talking about her camera. We gave her one of our old digital ones but I wouldn't let her take it to bed with her. She did her usual roll call and named all her friends and family members. After about 45 minutes she was still jumping around and not sleeping so I went in to see if she had poopy pants. That's usually how it goes, she waits until nap time to poop but then can't fall asleep because she has poop. So I went in there and asked her if she had poopy pants and she said "yes, that's what I'm talking about." Uh, actually that's NOT what you were talking about. I've told her if she poops to just call me and I'll come change her. But no, she screams every single other thing she can at me (I want: a book, water, blanket, etc) but never poop. I hope scientists are not spending any time trying to unlock the secrets of the 2 year old's mind because all they will find is that their little brains are almost completely focused on candy and coloring on something forbidden. Spend those research dollars on zero calorie delicious cupcakes I say.

How about a little non-suckage today? In the interest of full disclosure I never get paid to talk up stuff I like. Because I am not a popular mommy blogger. Believe me I'd take free swag were it offered. Onward. I am a big fan of sleep sacks. Up to this point (yes they make them big enough for a 2 year old!) we've been using the HALO ones and I'm pretty happy with them. We have a fleece one and a cotton one. But when I saw that Aden and Anais had come out with some I had to try one. Ellie was a summer baby so I used the A&A muslin blankets and loved them. Now I'm just as happy with the sleep sack as I was with the blankets. The lightweight material is perfect for summer (endless, hot, miserable summer) in Central Texas. The material gets softer after each wash and we bought the XL and Ellie has plenty of room to grow. They get two thumbs up here.

Just when you think she's reached rock bottom

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 17:57:00 +0000

Really I didn't think Sarah Palin could get any dumber. Or annoying. And yet, with her facebook posting yesterday she really managed to exceed my expectations. The expectations that she might have a kernel of common sense (she's a runner, I gave her a point for that). But alas, she seems to have none. Here's what she said:

"And who will suffer the most when they ration care?" Palin asks. "The sick, the elderly, and the disabled, of course. The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.

Yes Sarah, such a system is downright evil. It is not however, one that is proposed by HR 3200. The provision that Palin (and other misinformeds) cite is on page 425. What the provision actually does is ensure that Medicare will pay for doctors' time used in VOLUNTARY counseling sessions initiated at a patient's request to discuss advanced health care planning such as advance directives, living wills, and powers of attorney and to discuss end of life services such as palliative care and hospice. Isn't that awful? That the government would pay for and therefore encourage people to have an open dialogue with their health care provider about their own health?

I'm a realist. I know I'm going to die. And so will my parents. But I for one would like to ensure that my wishes are known to my family and my doctor and I would like to know my parents' wishes. I was reading an article about all of this and living wills and a priest was quoted as saying that he's told his family that he doesn't want to live beyond the point where he is unable to say one more prayer, give one more hug, and drink one more martini. That's the guy I want performing my last rites.

Here's the deal, there's a lot of misinformation being circulated about the health care bill in the House right now. It won't be a perfect solution, nothing ever is. I think I'm emotionally invested in the whole thing because since my husband and I lost our jobs we are not eligible for group health coverage, and I have been turned down by several companies for individual health coverage because I have a history of infertility. So I pay for Cobra and pay 3 times the combined amount that my husband and daughter pay. And what do I do when Cobra runs out? If you are opposed to the solutions being proposed in the House now and you HAVE group health coverage think long and hard about what YOU would do if you lost your job tomorrow.

Until I met a man who had no feet

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 15:00:00 +0000

I was going to write a post about how my dog has made it his mission in life to ensure that I never again have a night of restful sleep. About how he likes to sleep with his head on my pillow and breathe right on my face. Probably because I was the one who never wanted him in the bed, never allowed him in the bed. Then I got married and had to go to Brazil for work for two weeks and when I came back my spot in the bed had been overtaken. I was going to write about how he likes to get up around 5:00 a.m. and do his obsessive scratching thing for about 20 minutes, enough to wake us up and guarantee that we won't be getting any more meaningful slumber because the child will be awakening within the hour. Or my favorite thing that he does, after spending 2 hours or so sleeping in the bed without moving, waits until I am just drifting off to sleep and sidles right up next to me to have his obsessive paw licking session.

And then I spent an afternoon with my friend who has newborn twins and a 2 year old and a 4 year old. I have no place to complain about sleep ever again. She and her husband walk around sort of like people who have just been in a bus accident and are wandering away from the wreckage, glad to be alive but not quite sure what's happened. She's breast feeding them both and pumping for every nursing session so if she's lucky she gets 2 consecutive hours of sleep in chunks all night. So for all of you moms of twins out there, you rock. There should have been a little something in the federal stimulus package to send you all for a night at a resort for a solid night of sleep.

How about a little something that doesn't suck. In case there were any question about my sanity, I think that fact that I signed up for a fall marathon without really putting a lot of thought into the fact that I'd have to be doing long runs in the central Texas heat is evidence that I've got a screw loose. But I'm not a quitter, so I'm putting in my miles (slowly and plenty full of complaints). Without this fuel belt, I would surely die. And I am not speaking figuratively here. The fuel belt is awesome, I can carry with me 32 ounces of gatorade and some gels. I freeze the gatorade (which has pretty much defrosted about an hour into the run) and it has an added benefit of keeping me cool for a bit. So if you are a distance runner or have aspirations to be, get one of these. If you are not a runner, you should be. Runners rule.

Recipe for ideal play date

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 17:47:00 +0000

Yesterday I re-tooled my play date formula and I've hit upon the perfect way to have one of these things. I give you the "really slow on the uptake mom's play date recipe" meaning it took me about 10 bad play dates to figure this out.

Instead of having 15 kids, have like oh, 3.
Don't invite those kids that spend the whole time beating the crap out of the other kids.
Don't invite those kids who spend the time not beating the crap out of the other kids smearing chocolate hand prints on your walls, pouring the bubbles out of the bubble jar onto your floor, or tracking mud throughout the house.
You will find that the kids in #2 and the kids in #3 are the same kids.
Serve mojitos.
Fill up that giant kiddie pool you got for $8 at Walgreens for 75% off, give those kids access to the hose, some sand, cookies, and juice boxes and you've got yourself about an hour of uninterrupted mojito and gossip time.

Yes, someone will probably be crying about something at some point during your play date, just ignore them and go back to that mojito, they are very likely not bleeding or in danger of losing an eye.

Wal*Mart Demographics

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:06:00 +0000

Have you seen the Wal*Mart commercial where the woman says that she just figured out that she could save money by making breakfast at home instead of spending $5 on breakfast at a drive thru? Is the title of this campaign "let's market to the stupidest fucking people on the planet?" Seriously are there people out there who, only when confronted by a Wal*Mart commercial, realize that you can make food at home instead of going out?

What's next in this brilliant marketing campaign? The "hey instead of looking for a port-o-potty in the park why not use the toilet right there in YOUR HOUSE" pitch for toilet paper? Or the "yes, the liquor in the paper bag offered by the homeless guy is free but why not get your own bottle of Thunderbird and enjoy it all by yourself in the comfort of your own home instead of under that bridge" pitch. Perhaps appeal to those do it your selfer parents "sure masking tape and paper towels will the job done but why not try some DIAPERS" campaign.

I like straight talk, how about simply "this is where to get your crap for cheap" or, "sorry there isn't a Target out here in the boonies, suck it up and come to Wal*Mart" because those are the only two reasons anyone ever goes to wal*mart anyway.

Do the right thing

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 18:40:00 +0000

Yesterday my friend tells me that her sister in law is pregnant. Her 28 year old sister in law who despite having a college degree has really never been gainfully employed and spent most of her adult life partying, taking drugs, drinking, and smoking. She has apparently been off drugs for a couple of years now but still does drink and smoke. The story gets better. She's pregnant with twins. The father of the babies is married. And his wife is pregnant. I asked if she had considered adoption and my friend said that she had said she wanted to "do the right thing" and keep the babies.

She has no job, no money, no health insurance, and no home of her own (her mother recently took her in but told her she needs to find her own place when the babies are born). She mooches off various family members who enable her and give her money, a job here and there, and a place to stay. At least she's doing the "right thing" though and keeping her babies and raising them herself. Yes, this is all going to work out really well.

Food porn

Suzannearnold01@gmail.com (suz) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:30:00 +0000

Why doesn't the food network just go ahead and call their lineup after about 7:00 food porn? Last night I happened upon a show called "The Best Thing I Ever Ate." This show is surely the thing that will push my husband toward my involuntary committal or admission to an assisted living facility. I was watching the show about sweets and Duff (Ace of Cakes guy) was showing this dessert called CMP - chocolate, marshmallow, peanuts and really if you saw it you'd know why I was sitting semi-comatose muttering "I want to go to there" and drooling while I was huddled up next to an atlas trying to determine just how long it would take me to drive to Baltimore if I were to jump in the car RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

Moving on. We had house guests this weekend, a very good friend of mine and her two year old son. The kiddies had a great time playing and trying to impress each other. The kids are only 3 months apart and when we were pregnant we joked about how we would be setting up an arranged marriage for them. Anyway there's an awesome pool near our house with lots of stuff for smaller children so we planned to go there on Friday and of course it was the one day out of the past 3 months it was threatening to rain here, not actually raining just menacing clouds and thunder but enough to spook the pool officials into closing. So back we trudged on Saturday and found as we entered the pool area that no one was in the pool. Hmmm, that's odd. Then we got the scoop. They found poop in the pool. To be more precise poop in a swim diaper. Ok, how does that happen exactly? Have you ever had a swim diaper fall off your kid? I'm always wrestling with it to rip it off.

How about something that doesn't suck? As I've mentioned, oh about a thousand times, it's hot here (hottest July on record to be more precise). We are always conscious of making sure the little one stays hydrated so we fill sippy cups with ice only to have to deal with the ice melting and the bottle sweating. But this foogo thermos with a straw is perfect. It keeps drinks cold a ridiculously long time, the ice was still in tact a few hours after I put it in, and it doesn't sweat. The straw isn't one that's too tough to drink out of either so if you have a kid who hasn't mastered the straw totally or doesn't want to work that hard, they can totally figure this one out.