Oh great, it's baby shower time

I got an invite in the mail today to a baby shower for my neighbor.  We're friendly as our kids are close in age.  But that's about it.  And this is her second child (oldest is 18 months old), same sex as the first one.  I don't know, the whole shower thing seems a little much.  I sense this is a person who would have "games" at their shower too and I really hate that.  Oh and she's due pretty much the same time I was with my last crappy non-productive pregnancy.  So there are a myriad of reasons why this is unappealing.  But she lives like literally across the street so if I make up some stupid excuse then I'm basically trapped in my house or I need to find someplace to go which won't work because it's right around lunch/nap time (for child, not me).  I need to be better about this sort of thing, like pre-emptively mentioning whenever I meet someone new "I hate wedding/baby showers and don't feel at all left out if I am not invited.  Ditto the whole bridesmaid thing, I'm over that too."  Basically unless it is an occasion serving vodka and cake and I'm not obligated to eat, smell, or act out anything to get that vodka and cake then go ahead and count me out.   

Today's thing that doesn't suck, is this diaper diddie thing.  I bought one to just have diapers and wipes in the car all the time when we got to the stage when I wasn't leaving the house with a giant diaper bag anymore.  I also bought a lovey blanket from this woman as well.  I think they are both reasonably priced, she's a very nice woman, and they are made well.  Honestly, if you have some sewing skills they're fairly easy to make.  Unless you are like me and spend $100 on all the supplies to make like 30 of them but about halfway through the project kind of lose interest because you are sewing AND watching the Real Housewives of Somewhere and you need to get candy and you'll get back to the sewing machine in a minute but oh this guest bed is so comfy and oh my god I love lying in a bed all by myself......

Oy, men.

My husband is one of those annoying "start talking to you as soon as you are on the phone talking to someone else" people.  So this morning when I'm talking to my mom he's on his laptop and says "Tom Brady married Gisele."  And I ignored him because (a) he's rude (b) I don't care.  He's always giving me crap for watching reality shows or reading gossip on-line however,  HE is the one always telling me stuff like this.  When I get off the phone, he tells me again.  I guess it's some sort of earth-shattering news.  The conversation goes like this:

Him: Tom Brady got married.

Me: From everything I've seen of her, she's a complete idiot.

Him: She's hot though. (of course he'd say this).

Me: NOW she's hot.  In 30 years she might not be hot anymore and she definitely won't be smarter.  

It's not like they'll still be married in 30 years anyway.  

So today's thing that doesn't suck.  The Daily Show's segment on Felonious Monkeys.  I think I generally have a low threshold for monkey humor but this really is funny.  And it makes me think of the time when I was working in a cube and the guy on the other side of my cube thought he was so smart about everything.  One day he was talking about what a big jazz fan he was and he liked those cool old jazz musicians like Lascivious Monk.  

Parenting Dilemma 812 solved

If you are like most parents I'm sure you've thought to yourself "boy, I wish I could explain diarrhea to my child, but exactly HOW can I do that?  I wish there was some sort of book I could read to them to drive the message home."  Well parents, your diarrhea 'splainin conundrum is now solved.  Meet The Moose With Loose Poops. This is doing double duty as today's thing that doesn't suck.

On this topic my husband's sage advice on calling in sick when you aren't.  "Always say you have diarrhea, it guarantees no further line of questioning."  You're welcome. 

It's a whole new week

Last week my little brother found out that the small company he works for does not have enough money to keep afloat, he and the 20+ other employees will be out of work in 6 weeks.  He had his dream job there, he is devastated.  One of my close friends who worked at my former employer was laid off on Thursday and a friend's husband was laid off last week as well.  I'm hoping that this week is better for everyone.  

I was watching the Today Show this morning and they had a segment about e-mail etiquette.  Specifically that "fuck you" farewell e-mail.  They interviewed a woman who was an associate at a law firm and was laid off.  I felt bad for her because she got laid off shortly after she had a miscarriage but she came off really stupid.  She sent everyone in the firm an email where she attacked the partners.  Her rationale was that she didn't like how the layoffs were happening - associates being taken in private one by one and asked to sign non-disclosure agreements and being given a severance so everyone should know what's going on.  Clearly her exposure to the "real world" is pretty minimal because THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS when you get laid off.  If you are lucky.  Did she think a public spectacle for layoffs was in order?  Everyone who still has a job step forward.....whoa....not so fast there Stephanie.  I've had to lay people off and I've been laid off, it sucks on both sides of the fence.  I've also been the recipient of the "fuck you" farewell e-mail.  Each time, it was a company wide thing (my company had thousands of employees) sent by someone I didn't know and each time the general consensus was "that person is stupid AND crazy."  

The "fuck you" e-mail might make you feel better but even if your boss or other superiors are asshats, your e-mail won't make them or anyone else see the light.  They will read it and think "that person is stupid and crazy."  And if you are in an industry (as most of us inevitably are) where people stay in the industry but move around, lots of people will know about you and your crazy e-mail.  The guy responsible for me getting laid off was an ass.  He cut deeper than he needed to because he wanted to make his numbers and ensure that HE got a bonus.  He didn't do anything that would impact him (like cut all his travel where he always flew first class and stayed in the best hotels), he just cut people.  My salary was less than what he spent on travel in a year.  Me telling him he was an ass wasn't going to serve any purpose, plus his wife who had recently left him probably told him that enough anyway, and it wasn't going to do me any good - it wouldn't have saved my job.  One of my former colleagues voluntarily took a layoff then after about 6 months was asked to do some consulting.   He called me not long ago to tell me that Mr. Ass was asked to leave the company.  My colleague said since he had been back he'd heard story after story that had the same theme "Mr. Ass was an asshole."  Finally upper management realized it and he was gone.  It did make me happy.  Though he walked away with a nice severance package and a lot of people lost their jobs because of him.  But sometimes the universe bitch slaps the right person.  So today's lesson boys and girls: don't send a fuck you email.  Start a blog, send navy recruiters to your former boss' house, get them a subscription to Hustler, but don't send an email.

Hmmm, what doesn't suck today?  My favorite restaurant.  We went for lunch today and I had some potato flautas which are my faves.  But they also have the world's best pancakes.  And they sell the mix.  You can buy some for yourselves.  The ginger and apple wheat are sooo good.  

Washing instructions

I was looking at the care instructions for one of my daughter's shirts and noticed that it says "tumble dry forbidden."  I guess those garment manufacturers just had it with "recommending" and have moved on to full tilt prohibition.  Do you suppose they'd be just hanging out at the mall on their days off and see someone in a shirt that was obviously shrunk by a dryer and think "god dammit I specifically SAID that I do not recommend drying that shirt, what do I have to do to get my message across? If I recall from my junior high history class, that whole Prohibition thing was pretty successful in getting this country off that nectar of the devil that is alcohol so I guess I'll just go that route."  

There's been little talk of it with all the stimulus hysteria lately but I bet you didn't know that the 28th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is starting to gain some groundswell.  It's the amendment to lift the prohibition on tumble drying children's clothes.  If we don't get this prohibition lifted, what's next?  Hand washing mandates??  I don't have that kind of time people, act now before it's too late.  Write your senator.  Unless it's someone like my senator, he's too busy worrying about someone fucking a reptile.

Today's thing that doesn't suck is my mom.  It's her birthday.  She's an awesome mom and even though she never let me have candy for dinner she would gladly let my daughter have it.  When I found out I was having a girl my mom screamed.  Then later she called to tell me that she would have been just as excited had it been a boy but she was just so happy that now I would know how wonderful it is to have a daughter.  That's the kind of mom everyone should have, the kind who, even though you roll your eyes, calls to tell you the story of your birth on your birthday and tells you that the day you were born was the happiest day of her life.  

Good news

When you watch "The View" do you think to yourself "why that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is so cute and perky and smart,  I wish I could dress JUST like her!"  Well then today's your lucky day because QVC is now selling Elisabeth's fashion line.  I believe the tag indicating the care instructions has this warning however, "Caution: This blouse is tight fitting around the neck area and will constrict the blood flow to your brain leading you to hold fairly irrational opinions about the world and causing pretty poor decision making, like well, wearing this blouse."  So uh, wear at your own peril.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck.  The J Crew wedge flip flop.  Oh my god these are comfortable.  I discovered them a few years ago when I was pregnant which was pretty fortuitous since my feet were so swollen they were the only shoes I could wear at the end.  I live near a J Crew outlet so I can usually get them for around $10, because I'm not very picky and just get whatever colors they have in my size.  Get them. They will change your life.  Ok, they will only change your life if you are kind of lazy and only into comfort (like me) but for $10, what do you have to lose?  I heard someone from Vogue on NPR this morning saying something to the effect of "not shopping is not a moral victory.  when you don't shop people lose their jobs."  So quit being all morally superior and saving your money, buy the damn flip flops.  I'd also like to tell the Vogue lady that not shopping for fur IS a moral victory, when you don't shop for fur, animals keep their skin, which they need for you know, living.  

What passes for romance at our house

My husband and I are not a couple anyone would yell "get a room" to.  He's a reserved guy.  He's kind of  a crap gift giver and holidays and birthdays aren't a big deal for him.  I lay the blame squarely on his mother for this since everything was and is all about her, there's just no room to celebrate anyone else.  I'm fine with this.  Hey, the guy always makes sure there's gas in my car, cleans the bathrooms, and will stop what he's doing on his laptop and go to the Sesame Street site when our daughter requests so bottom line, he's a good guy.  As you can imagine, not much happens for Valentine's Day.  Valentine's Day/New Year's Eve/Paris are all the same for me anyway - not quite as romantic and fun as you are led to believe.  This is what passed for romance at our house on Valentine's Day.  Husband: "what are the chances of having sex today?"  Somehow I can't see my fantasy husband Colin Firth saying that. 

Moving on.  Today's thing that doesn't suck, is my solution to our key problem.  Which my husband did not see as a problem at all.  We had a melamine snowman bowl that I bought from the $1 bin at Target (for the child) and all the keys were thrown in there.   Along with a library card, grocery store discount card, a battery, a nickel, a little piece of rubber something that maybe goes in someone's cell phone, and a screw.  I got tired of dumping that bowl every time I needed to find my extra key that I use when I go running.  So I bought this magnetic bulletin board strip and these magnetic key hooks.  Despite my husband's claim that this was "a solution in search of a problem" it was in fact the opposite and I am very happy that my keys have a specific place.  

Today's bonus is a picture of my daughter celebrating Valentine's Day by doing the Hokey Pokey.  She really just does the "turn yourself around" part.  Until she gets dizzy and falls down.  Despite my husband's worries that she's trying to get a "buzz" I support the "she's doing it because she's a toddler and their brains are wired funny" theory.  

Watch this

I forgot to do the thing that doesn't suck yesterday.  So here's a great video that doesn't suck.  The video doesn't suck but prop 8 does.  I dare you to not be moved by this.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Nothing

There's a headline on yahoo "The economic stimulus, what's in it for you?"  As far as I can see, nothing.  The COBRA subsidy is for people laid off after me and my husband.  The keeping COBRA provision for those at their jobs over 10 years or 55 or older got deleted.  The $13 everyone will see in their paychecks won't affect us, we aren't buying a new car this year, and we already have a house.  We don't work in industries related to the spending on infrastructure.  And a lot of economic experts don't seem to think that the bill will jump start things.  So uh, crap.  

I was talking to my mom about this yesterday, how it seems so well, incomprehensible that the current economic situation was the result of a housing bubble.  I keep hearing stories on NPR or reading stories in the Wall Street Journal about people who bought houses the couldn't afford.  Someone with $40,000 in income buying a $400,000 house - getting turned down for a mortgage by nearly every lender in the country until Indymac gave him one.  And now of course he can't pay it.  I'm starting to get bitter.  My husband has been out of work for 8 months.  I have been out of work for 15 months.  I didn't look for work when my husband was working but have since he was laid off.   My husband has an MBA and I have a law degree.  We did everything right, we lived below our means, bought a house we could afford on one income, don't have credit card debt, had a child when we could support it, and have a savings cushion to fall back on right now.  So why are WE the ones being punished? 

Even so, I know that we are the lucky ones.  We have savings, we can afford health insurance, I don't have to worry about affording to take a sick kid to the doctor or feed her.   I have parents who have told me never to worry because worst case scenario we can always move in with them.  What do people without this safety net do?  I hope for all of us that something good comes out of this stimulus package.  

Australian culture

When my daughter was a baby we went to the lapsit story time at our local library.  It was great, we sang songs, did some baby signs, and played.  Then she graduated to toddler story time when she started walking and things went downhill.  All the kids and their contraband snacks and the cart with all the puppets and stuff that you aren't supposed to touch are just too much for her.  This is the child who walks up to us all day long with a book and says "read," the one who sits quietly in her room and looks through books, who takes a book to bed with her every night.  At story time she's like a rabid raccoon trapped in a garbage can.  And I am the hapless animal control officer who thinks, I seriously do not get paid enough for this.  

Once a week I optimistically think "THIS is the story time she'll sit quietly and listen" and we trod off to the library.  About 3 minutes into it I realize that no this is not in fact the day that miracles will happen.  To salvage the trip we've been checking out a video.  This week it was an old Wiggles video.  She is so freakishly addicted to the Wiggles I'm afraid later in life she will easily be lured into a cult if it simply involves a few catchy songs and someone in a dinosaur suit.

We've now watched this video about 30 times.  Based on the Wiggles video I have concluded that Australia is a nation full of eccentric entertainers with the scary ability to hypnotize toddlers (and their 40 year old mothers).  Let me break it down for you:

Kamahl:  The only way I can describe this guy is to say that he is the Indian Englebert Humperdink.  In another one of the videos he was dressed like Elvis.  In this one he is wearing a tux and singing "for the first time EVER" with Dorothy the Dinosaur.  

Rolf Harris: Shakes something he calls a "wobbleboard" which is just a big piece of plastic and they sing his song "Tie me kangaroo down" a song I've been singing to myself.

Slim Dusty: The Australian Grandpa Jones from Hee Haw. He sings about having a dance with different people because they're our "mate."

And then it comes to a part where they say they are going to sing a song called "Six Months in a Leaky Boat" and I say to my husband "that's a Split Enz song" (that I like) and next thing you know there's Tim Finn singing with the Wiggles.  So the Wiggles obsession won't be ending at this house any time soon.

Today's thing that doesn't suck: A bug, a bear, and a boy books.  A friend gave me a few of these, they are little short Scholastic books.  I think they are intended for early readers but my daughter loves them and they are great to just stash in the car.  If you know anyone who has a kid of school age or teaches see if you can get them from a book fair.  They are not worth the postage for shipping them unless you bought a bunch of them.  

Do your homework

Because well, there hasn't been enough press on "octo-mom" as my brother calls her, let me add a bit more.  When part 1 of the apparently 9,000 part interview that Ann Curry did aired I remembered something octo-mom said that struck me as odd, something to the effect of "anyone who's done IVF knows that the success rates are really low."  Huh?  She started doing IVF in her 20's when in fact, anyone who's done IVF knows that your chances of success are actually pretty good.  So I looked up her clinic.  Abysmal rates.  I know that the stats for any given clinic are to be taken with a grain of salt, however, one would assume that a clinic that has a decent success rate and success across different age groupings would be doing something right.  Conversely, a clinic that seems to well, not be getting anyone pregnant, probably wouldn't be a great choice.  

In 2006 her clinic did 20 IVF cycles for women under 35.  Only 10% resulted in a live birth.  They did 9 cycles for women 35-37 which resulted in live births in exactly 0 of the cases.  And the odd thing, average number of embryos transferred for the youngest age group was 3.5 - the highest number for all age groups.  Let's compare to my clinic.  In the same year they did 177 cycles for women under 35, transferred an average of 2.2 embryos and had a live birth rate of 52.5%.  In the 35-37 range the live birth rate was 31.7%.  It would seem that octo-mom is the only success story with her fabulous clinic.   Her doctor has also been linked with some tax evasion and employment lawsuits so he sounds like quite the guy.  

More evidence to support what we already know, that she's lacking in the life skills and decision making departments.  And yes, the point that she has no visible means of support has been belabored but I just want to point out that she was able to scrounge together the money to get fake french manicured nails and whatever the hell she did in terms of work to her face.  

Ok enough of that.

Today's thing that doesn't suck.  All those ethical, competent, RE's out there who are doing a pretty damn good job every day.  I've had two of them and I will be eternally grateful. 

Oh great

The whole pregnancy brain thing is reportedly, not true.  So to what can I attribute my episode at Babies R Us when I was pregnant where I bought a whole cart full of stuff, paid for it, then promptly left without any of it?  Oh yeah, my mom was with me and she didn't notice either.  Is this early onset Alzheimer's for me and regular old Alzheimer's for her.  Great.  

A few friends and I had a girls' night in the other night.  One woman's husband just got laid off and she's frustrated that he is not going about the job search the way she would.  Welcome to my world.  The discussion devolved into a sort of "what the hell is wrong with our husbands" discussion.  The highlights: one friend actually kept a journal when first married of all the things that her husband did to annoy her so when he said "when did I do that" she could refer back and cite the date, a golf club has more blunt force impact than a baseball bat (somebody's been watching Snapped), and men just do not know how to clean a bathroom.  Some days I think I'm too hard on my husband and then we have an exchange like this and I think, maybe not so much.

Me: I just finished our taxes.

Him: Did you deduct my job search expenses?

Me: Did you give them to me?

Him: No.

Me: So I am supposed to telepathically gather them from you?

Today's thing that doesn't suck: the Nestle Aero bar.  Every time I'm in London I buy these, you can find them sometimes in ethnic groceries here.  I don't know why Nestle doesn't market them here.  Probably just to annoy me.  

It's official

Octuplet mom is batshit crazy.  Looks like she's had some work done to try and look like Angelina Jolie too.  Also, as someone who went to grad school and will pay down my student loans about 5 minutes before I start collecting social security let me just say, it is an awesome plan to be in grad school when you have 14 kids under the age of 7.  I have friends who have had a child in their last year of law or med school and they have spouses and I still can't figure out how they did it with just one child.  So Miss Nadya is delusional.  I really like the "I'm going to have a bunch of kids THEN go to school THEN I'll get a job that will support them all" plan. Somebody failed Lifeskills 101. 

Moving on.  Anybody else still wearing their maternity underwear even though you're not pregnant and your baby is almost 2?  Now that I'm all about comfort I can't even look at the lacy and/or thong underwear that fill my dresser.  Maternity underwear is a gift from the gods. Rides low, doesn't bunch up, cotton.  What more could I ask for?  Aside from those maternity jeans.  I loved those things, why are they not selling jeans with a stretchy panel for the non-pregnant world?  For like Thanksgiving or when you go to the movies and get popcorn bloat, maternity jeans are just the answer.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck is 30 Rock.  If you don't like that show then I'm afraid we can no longer be friends.  

I'm part of the problem

Before I make another rant about stupid people on tv let me put it out there that yes, I realize the irony that by watching these shows I myself am becoming stupider.  And probably the perfect person to BE on a reality show.  I promise, I read books.  But sometimes my glasses are not within the reach of the bed (that is, outside the grasp of toddler hands) and I'm not getting up one more time.  Or my book requires even a smidge of concentration and I can't muster it.  Actually the book I'm reading now does require a tiny bit of attention but it's good.  

Back to the point.  I watch the Real Housewives.  Doesn't matter where they set it, I watch it. We're in Orange County now.  The other night the gals were in Vegas and Lynne - the newest, skinniest, and competing for stupidest, said she didn't know if she had an air conditioner at her house.  She did recall a "big machine" coming on at night however.  But even more amazing was that none of the other housewives seemed to be able to help her deduce whether she had a/c.  Seriously, all you have to say is "when it's hot outside is it really hot inside your house? No? You have an air conditioner."  But who has time for logical deduction when you are fighting over whether someone stole your signature drink.  Yes, a grown woman (Vicki) was mad because another woman (Gretchen) stole her signature drink.  Stole it in the sense that she ordered one.   Can someone please tell me what happens in childhood that makes you require constant affirmation the rest of your life because I do not want my child to be Vicki when she grows up.   Vicki wooooohooooos.  There is no reason for that.  If my mother wooooohoooo'ed I would duct tape her to a chair and cart her off to assisted living.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck.  Well it actually was yesterday but I'm taking it.  Matt Lauer wearing a Snuggie.  Bonus today.  Double non-suckage.  I watched Top Chef last night (wow, surprising) and Eric Ripert was on.  Yum and Yum.  And I'm not talking about the food if you know what I mean.  

We're living in a society here people

10 points if you know where that title came from.  I have posted or at least I think I've posted about how I'm an obsessive rule follower.   I will follow rules that make no sense, simply because they ARE the rules.  But I am alone on my island of order and queues as I have long suspected.  I can now add some additional data to my thesis, "People Suck."  To be honest, it's not a formal thesis, more of a running monologue in my head, though my friend and I do often say to each other "I really don't like people."  

So yeah, Tom Daschle.  Even though he was in the Senate where they have you know, ethics rules and stuff and even though he's been (supposedly) paying income taxes for 50 years it just slipped his mind that his car and driver might be considered income.  And well, he's from South Dakota and so is his accountant so according to Jay Rockefeller they can't be punished for the oversight because well, they are backwater hicks.  It sure is lucky that Mr. Daschle "realized" that error right around the time he was nominated for a cabinet position.  Funny how the littlest things can jog your memory isn't it?  So in the interest of public service, I'll share some wisdom from my $80,000 law school education with you. EVERYTHING is income.  The first case in our tax book was someone who found money in a fucking piano and guess what? It's INCOME.  Want some more advice?  Don't go to law school.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck is Mr. Chesley Sullenberger.  You know, piloted a plane into the Hudson, everybody lived, he double checked the plane to make sure everyone was ok, that Chesley Sullenberger.  Turns out he also had a library book on the plane.  Which he didn't grab on the way out because he follows the rules and you know they tell you not to grab anything.  So he contacted the library to get an extension.  Let's just go ahead and clone this guy right now.  We need a few more of these.  I on the other hand, check out books, forget to return them, get embarrassed about how long I've had them and then move to another city.  Yes, it's quite an expensive way to deal with the overdue books (and quite contrary to my rule following nature) but I'm also a bit of a conflict avoider.  

Yeah mondays suck

Found out yesterday that my husband did not get the job that he interviewed for.  It was between him and another person who was an internal candidate and they picked the internal person.  So um, that sucks.  And one of my friends called me in tears because her husband got laid off yesterday.  

I think I am by nature an optimistic person but seriously DAMN.  We are due for some GOOD news very freaking soon.  Another friend last night told me her husband had to take a pay cut last week and he was kind of grumbling about it and she told him that he should be happy he has a job.  My husband or I would have gladly taken a pay cut over KEEPING an income and having benefits.  When I was working, I offered to give up my bonus one year so no one would lose their job.  A little karma please!

Moving on.  Here's my public service announcement.  I had book club last night, it's a group of moms with kids all around the same age (oldest is 4).  Nearly everyone is on their second kid.  There was talk last night about moving from crib to bed.  Unanimous opinion (seconded by several other friends) was "keep them in the crib as long as you can."  Consensus is until at least 3.  Not a single person who moved their child to a bed around age 2 has said it was easy, went great, the kid stayed in bed, naps didn't go awry.   Oh wait one friend did say that.  Then 4 months later she had a new baby and it all went to hell in a handbasket.  Now she has a 3 month old and she is getting 4 hours of sleep a night (and back to work) because her 2 year old is up all night in and out of bed.   My friend with 3 kids has told me even if you have another baby and want that crib for them, don't do it.  Keep the baby in the pack and play.  When I had my short lived pregnancy last fall I happened to check on craigslist to see about cribs and it's like cribs galore on there.   I think when people are finally done with cribs they just want them gone.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck.  The Chicken Dance.  Well if you ask me it sucks.  But if you ask the youngest member of our house it does in fact not suck.  It doesn't suck so much that we could do it 100 times.  It doesn't suck so much that I could get a few minutes of footage worthy of a post to the family blog and entertain the grandparents.   And bottom line, if something makes the toddler laugh and say "agin" instead of writhing on the floor saying "no" then I'll admit, it doesn't suck.  I'm still not allowing it played at her wedding though.  

Anyone else.....?

Have crocs but only wear them in the house for fear of being seen in public and laughed at or having their toes ripped off by an escalator?  

Another random thought spurred by me seeing longhorn cattle on our way home from the park this evening (in Texas businesses get some sort of tax break for having cattle on their land so you'll see an office building with like two head of cattle grazing in front).  A few years ago my brother did Ironman Canada and my mom went with him.  They were staying in the mountains and were surprised to find that nearby was a herd of "free range" cattle.  My mother said "free range" apparently meant that they just milled about in the parking lot of the condo and ate gravel.   

The baby head wound is healing nicely.  Though apparently "clock" is a tough word to say because my daughter walks around all day talking about the "cock" that hurt her.  No need to call DSS, it's just a language thing, thanks!

Today's thing that doesn't suck is the sleep sack.  We started using them when my daughter was around 3 months old and done with swaddling, she was never a swaddling devotee anyway.  And they are a good deal, we used the medium size from months 5-15 and are now on size large which I'm sure will fit for a while.  But the other day I realized the biggest benefit of the sleep sack.  It prevents the climbing child from climbing out of the crib.  I watched some you tube videos of kids climbing out of cribs because I was curious how they do it.  They get one leg on the front of the crib and then pull up from there BUT the sleep sack doesn't give that leg enough range of motion or any grip ability to get up on the rail.  This is really good news around these parts as our little monkey routinely climbs onto the kitchen table and pushes a chair to the counter to climb onto it as well.