I was watching fah too much television anyway

Ok universe, throw me a bone, please??  I am again reminded that I need to have a chipper outlook as many more have it worse but I was hoping that our ER visit would be outweighed by a job offer for my husband this week.  No word on the job front.  I hope that means they just haven't made their decision yet.  

I'm afraid my head might blow off if I open the whole octuplets' mother can o'worms.  Let me just bullet point my favorite parts of this whole saga and I'll leave it at that.  Or you all can chime in and share my collective scorn. 

• Already had SIX kids.
• Lives with parents.
• Presence of a father to the babies kinda sorta ambiguous.
• Declared bankruptcy pretty recently.
• Dumb-ass grandma says they "implanted" all the embryos last year.
• Dumb-ass grandpa says to prying media that they have a "huge" house and they are going to live there and no one will find them.  Um, why aren't you living in that huge ass house now?  Guess what grandpa, property records are a matter of public record.
• Want to maintain their privacy.  Hmmm, then why allow the hospital to release information about the babies' births?  Perhaps because you want to maintain your privacy right up until the offers of free stuff start rolling in?

THIS is the reason I cannot get an individual health insurance policy.  Even though I had TWO embryos transferred and had a healthy full term uncomplicated singleton pregnancy.  Insurers assume infertility=litters of babies and high risk pregnancy so therefore I am a bad risk.  Thanks a lot lady.

Moving on to the non-suckage portion of our day.  California baby. I love their bath stuff and lotion, it makes the baby, ok, toddler, smell delicious.  My mother claims there is some sort of calming effect of lavender.  I'm not sure what effect it has on the child but when I get a whiff of that lavender scented head I do feel pretty calm.  Until a lavender scented arm smacks a snack trap of rabbit crackers onto my cheekbone.  

Good health insurance news

Well sort of.  The House Bill that just passed (stimulus bill) includes 9 month subsidy for COBRA for laid off workers AND would allow a person to keep COBRA indefinitely (until they get a job with health benefits) if they are over 55 or worked for a company 10 years.  This means that those of us who can't get individual plans sort of have a safety net.  Sort of because it isn't as cheap as an individual plan but the thought of not having any health insurance at all has freaked me out sooo much.  

ER

This morning I was standing on a step stool putting away my daughter's humidifier and she was (as always) right on my heels, trying to climb the stool.  And then the glass clock hung on the wall above her closet fell to the ground and I didn't see it hit her head (thank god) so when she started crying I figured she was just scared.  Until I saw her head bleeding right above her eyebrow.  Not gushing but there was definitely a cut there.  Since she didn't seem to have any symptoms of a head injury and the wound wasn't gaping, I called the pediatrician and they said bring her in and we'll check it.  And our conservative pediatrician said he'd like her to go to the ER which is thankfully attached to the medical building where we go to the ped.  Seeing as she's a GIRL and all they are more sensitive about facial wounds from a scarring standpoint.  Off to the ER we plod and the ER doc says well, I could do a stitch but it's not absolutely necessary.  The glue wouldn't have worked because it was not a clean cut.  We compromised and went for the steri-strips.  It's a tiny cut, right where her eyebrow meets her forehead.  I just thought the trauma of strapping her down for ONE stitch didn't seem worth it for potentially minimally less scarring in the long run.  

This is really going to set us back in launching that pageant career, well this and the fact that I'm still scrapping together the money for a baby weave and spray tan machine.  

So in honor of my little trooper, today's thing that doesn't suck is valentine m&m's.  They are enough incentive to allow me to do wound care.  

I need a life coach

Well not a life coach as much as someone to call me and say "STOP watching Real Housewives and turn it to Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC."  Because I missed the toddler pageant show last night and I am sooo into that shit.  I saw a clip that showed a pageant dad who said as soon as they found out they were having a girl he started planning for her to do pageants.  He's the coach and does her make up and sews her costumes.  How this one got away from Liza Minnelli I do not know.  Just sayin'.

I have a friend who has three girls so sends me hand me down stuff now and again.  It's usually good stuff.   Except for a book that I recently took off the shelf because we are doing a little bit of venturing into potty training land.  That book is Once Upon a Potty.  And I cannot tell you how many ways it creeps me out.  Again, I am not a prudish person but neither I nor my toddler need to see a drawing of a kid leaning over showing us her butt hole.  The story is so fucking stupid and narrated so weirdly (it was originally printed in some other language - German I think - and translated but still).  It's like - Prudence makes wee-wee and poo-poo in her diaper and I, her mother, change her.  Listen lady you already told us you were her mother, you don't have to say it in every subsequent sentence.  We are not employing this book in our potty training methodology here at our house.  I, my daughter's mother, am employing the "go potty and get candy" method.  So far so good.  Well as far as her understanding what candy is, that's going pretty well.  The potty to get it, not so much.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck is elastic shoe laces.  I started using these when I began doing triathlons, I couldn't lose any precious seconds in transition on my way to placing 30th in my age group you know.  Actually ease of use is my more primary concern.  I use elastic laces and lace locks.  I tie the ends of the laces in a knot where the laces start (near the toe) and use a lace lock at the other end to keep them tight.  I never have to worry about tying my shoes and they always fit well.  I have always thought these would be a good idea for kids - no dragging shoe laces to worry about and easy off and on.  Mine seem to last forever too, I just keep transferring the set of laces I have to my new shoes, I bet I've been using the same laces for at least 5 years.

Perhaps I should just quit watching the Today Show

The all consuming story this morning was about the octuplets born in California.   When Dr. Nancy was on and Matt said something about "no one mentioned if fertility drugs were involved" Nancy said "fertility drugs were involved." Uh obviously.  But then she said something about "implanting" embryos - (a) she's a doctor and should use the correct term (b) she's way off if she thinks this was IVF.  If this was IVF then somebody needs to hunt down a doctor who will transfer at least 8 embryos and take away his license.  I'm sure it was IUI.  But then again, what doctor would do an IUI if the woman had so many mature follicles??? My doctor would not do an IUI if you had more than 4 mature follicles and even then you got a stern lecture about the risks of high order multiples.   My new RE (moved cities so had to get a new one) is even leery about transferring 2 embryos in our upcoming frozen cycle.  I know that you want to get bang for your buck, hey I've been there.  But I was also listening when the nurse at our clinic told our little "injection class" that with 3 or more babies you likely wouldn't come home with all of them and even if you do, you'll more than likely have some health concerns.  

So speaking of gaggles of children, I for some stupid reason watched John and Kate plus 8 last night.  The episode where they show the kids their new million dollar house.  And Kate tells us 5 times that she spent 4 HOURS cleaning the fridge because it was so disgusting.  That fridge was so important that when one of her kids was screaming that they needed a wipe post poop (aren't they a little old for that at 4?) she yelled at her husband to come in the house and do it and kept right on cleaning the fridge.  So she could tell us she worked on it for 4 HOURS.    Also, anyone else think it was a little harsh that they showed the kids the master bedroom then spent like 10 minutes telling them "you are never allowed in here, ever, ever, ever."  Is it just me or does Kate seem totally annoyed by her children all the time?  Like she had nothing to do with having 8 children, like a cousin died in England and left them to her in the will and now she's got this big burden to deal with all these kids.  If my Uncle Louie had in fact been correct and the people on the tv could hear us (he claimed to have some sort of 2 way communication with Walker Cronkite) I would remind Kate, not very gently, that SHE was the one who did IUI with all those damn follicles and SHE was the one who decided that selective reduction wasn't for her so suck it up buttercup.  

Anywhoo, today's thing that doesn't suck is Babybug magazine.  My daughter got a subscription last year as a gift from one of my friends.  Side note, this friend has no children and claims to not like them.  Everything she does would indicate the contrary however.  It would be impossible to out-nice this friend.  She remembers birthdays and anniversaries.  She sends ballet sweaters and sundresses to my daughter for no reason.  She gave her a Tiffany rattle when she was born, in addition to the 500 shower gifts she gave me.  She remembers everything that's going on in your life and even sends my mom birthday cards and get well gifts. Everyone should have a friend like M, in fact we should all BE a friend like M.  Ok so back to Babybug.  My daughter is very into books anyway but for some reason this magazine just strikes a chord with her.  It's virtually toddler proof though my daughter has managed to tear the back page off occasionally.  Nothing a little packing tape can't fix.  We have read every issue probably 100 times, she takes it to bed and reads a bit before falling asleep (hilarious to watch by the way), and they are a great size to pop in your bag for travel or boredom buster in the car.  The best part is watching how excited my daughter gets when the new one arrives, she's so psyched when she gets mail.  

More Duggars

Not only can't I quit the Duggars, I don't want to.  I watched the whole wedding show last night.  Despite the extremely different perspectives we have on life (you know since one hooligan is enough for me vs. 18 of them), I find that once in a while I think "hey, those people aren't so bad." Well you know right up until the point where the father of the bride says that at marriage the groom takes over the authority of the woman (from her father) because "that's how God designed it."  Really, that's how GOD designed it or......that's how MEN decided to write it down in the bible???  If it's even in the bible, who knows, not me that's for damn sure.  I'm catholic, we don't highlight the bible in church services.  

But there's a part in the show where Jim-Bob is imparting his marital wisdom to his son and giving him the whole birds and the bees talk (via some book he gave him).  Then he starts giving him advice like "cherish" his wife and "show her you love her by listening, when she tells you all the details of something it may not be important to you but it's important to her and listening shows you that you care."  And I thought Jim-Bob needs to hightail his ass to our house and have that discussion with the member of our household who, when I am telling a story, is doing the "wrap it up" hand signal.  

I'm trying to be optimistic this week because we are waiting for news about the job interview my husband had last week - we need an income and health insurance and I need my sanity back by having my house to myself during the day.  But it's kind of gray and dreary and rainy today so I'm having a hard time thinking of something that doesn't suck.  So I'm going to do something lame.  Pasteurized eggs.  They make it possible for me to eat the cookie dough I'm gnawing on right now without worrying about salmonella and allows my toddler to occasionally lick the spatula.  

Dork

I know this will probably crush the fabulous erudite online persona I've created for myself but I'm at a loss for material today and these things keep popping into my head so I'm going with material over intelligence.  Here's the list to prove that I'm not even remotely cool and might be slightly stupid.

1.  I'm really digging the high five guys.  

2.  I'm thinking about buying a snuggie.  Except I keep hearing my mother's voice in my head saying "it's just a robe on backwards."  

3.  I've gotten into the Secret Life of the American Teenager, which should come as no surprise since I was totally hooked on Seventh Heaven and Gilmore Girls.  

4. Every day I think I should have a nutritious breakfast of oatmeal and then immediately afterwards I say "fuck my cholesterol" and have a pop-tart.

5.  I wonder if I were in fact married to Colin Firth if I would be annoyed with how he eats chips and demand that he stop farting.  Right now.

6.  I thought about getting some of that free class action lawsuit makeup but decided I was far too lazy to go to the mall.  And who am I kidding - MAKEUP!  Ha ha ha.  

7.  My friend gave me a subscription to W magazine for my birthday and I never read it because (a) it's too big, I don't like rectangular magazines (b) see makeup comment, FASHION! Ha, ha, ha.

8.  If it were  even remotely socially acceptable I would wear pajamas in public.  But not with slippers, probably flip flops or running shoes.  

9.  I'm a vegetarian but the smell of bacon is very very alluring to me.

10.  I got in an argument with my husband about whether we should buy a 6 sheet shredder or an 8 sheet one.

Today's thing that doesn't suck, the Bob Revolution stroller.  I know, the Bugaboo is sooo cool.  But I'm a runner and so is my husband so we went with function over form.  The BOB gets used every day, it's easy to maneuver and it works great on road and off (we run on a crushed rock and dirt trail).  You can buy an attachment for a car seat to use it will little babies, though our car seat wouldn't work with it which was fine because our child hated the stroller when she was tiny anyway.  We bought the Bob from Moosejaw, which also does not suck.  We didn't pay tax or shipping and they price matched another site's price (I had gift cards so I wanted to buy from Moosejaw).  So go ahead, get a BOB and GET OUT.  

It's not all tantrums and licking around here

Documented proof of cuteness, lest you think I'm fed up with the dog and the kid.  There are fortunately more cute times than insane toddler times.  The dog however, he's another story.   A story that basically goes like this, I picked him out because he was the sweet little dog at the pound just sitting there nicely not making a sound.  He clearly paid extra attention during the "how to fool people into adopting you" in-service at the pound.  He started barking on the way home from the shelter and hasn't stopped for oh, 8 years or so.  He has peed on every single piece of luggage I own.  He tried to eat the baby.  Quite a few times. He and the baby struck some sort of detente and I haven't traveled much lately (needing luggage) so relations among us have warmed as of late.

Does anyone else watch the Today show?  I like Ann Curry.  Well, let me clarify.  I like Ann Curry's hair.  I covet it.  But it appears that I'm not the only who's noticed that Ann seems to be the only reporter that gets sent bungee jumping and to Antarctica and to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro.   Because here's some solid proof that NBC is in fact, trying to kill Ann Curry.

Today's thing that doesn't suck, is the song Victor Jara's hands by Calexico.  My little bro is the music expert in my life and he introduced me to them.  The song is a good running song even though it's about a Chilean political activist who was murdered in 1973.  In fact, all of the band's music doesn't suck.  So if you are looking for something a little different, check them out.  

All the single ladies

Well for most of them anyway.  Take a look at this picture.  Because babies start out cute and cuddly (nature's trickery) and they turn into howler monkeys because you won't let them play with your SLR camera (because the iphone already has a big crack in it so you've sort of learned your lesson).  So look at this picture and unless you would like to be the proud owner of a wild animal, remember why birth control is so very very important.  I did this on purpose so I'm not complaining, I'm just helping out anyone who might be on the fence.

Today's winner of the sensitivity award goes to my former sister in law.  She and my step brother got divorced in the past year.  She called him to tell him she's getting married.  Oh wait, she called him the day before he left for Afghanistan (with the army).  (a) she knew he was leaving the next day (b) what exactly is the point of doing that?  

Today's winner of the dullard award is Brendan Fraser.  I saw him on Ellen and boy he is not only stupid but he's not the least bit interesting.  I've seen him before sort of rolling his eyes at the fact that he was in George of the Jungle but seriously, that was highbrow work for this guy.  You could tell even Ellen didn't think he was a good guest "oh, great well, it's time for us to get to the exciting part of the show where we use scotch tape to make our noses look like pig noses so sorry Brendan, we'll chat at you when you finally get that Oscar nod."  

Note to the Today show, no more segments on the parenting and "normalcy" needs of the Obama children.  Their parents clearly have the parenting thing under control so I don't need to see any more psychiatrists interviewed on the subject.  It's not really applicable to me, I need news I can use.  Now if that much promised Obama dog starts sleeping in bed with its owners and spending half the night licking himself, having experts on to talk about stopping that, that is news I need.  Seriously, like right now.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck.  Matisse and Jack snacks.  We got the chocolate chip one at Target.  It's a mix that uses only applesauce, water, and a little oil. Yummy, low fat, whole grains, and Omega 3's.  

Why you shouldn't shoot your friends in the face

Because you might need them to help you move some day.

My favorite blog comment of the day regarding Dianne Feinstein's hair - Did Ann Miller come down from heaven to host this?

Today's thing that doesn't suck.  Bento Boxes for kids.  I have this bear one and even though my child is a toddler we use it when we go out to eat (I bought it as part of a set that includes a cute little bag so it's an all in one thing).   I also have one of the triangle shaped boxes but they just aren't as user friendly.  We usually feed her something off our plate but you know how much toddlers love to wait and the fruit and veggie selection at lost of restaurants isn't great so we usually end up toting along her food.  I bought some silicone muffin cups a while ago and while they sucked for making muffins they are great to put in the bento box to hold individual servings of food.  I figure we can use it when she goes to school so we'll get a lot of use out of it.  Until she insists on getting a lunch box with the slutty pre-teen singer/actor/disaster du jour.  

CNN Headline

Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus headline Inaugural Concert

So um, apparently the Obama children were in charge of music?  

Next topic.  Time for Pamela Anderson to wear a bigger bathing suit.  Good lord woman, you are 41.  Yes I suppose some men find that giant boobs and barbie doll hair appealing but the rest of us that have oh a modicum of decency AND perhaps don't want to embarrass our children for the rest of their lives might choose a bathing suit that say, covered our whole ass.  That's all I ask.  No buttcrack.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck.  Aebelskivers.  My grandmother was Danish and we had these all the time as a kid since they are a Danish thing.  I got an aebelskiver pan for christmas and today was its second voyage.  A key selling point of the pan is calling the aebelskivers "filled pancakes."  We always had them the traditional danish way (or so I'm told it's the traditional way), just plain and then we put some jam on them when they were hot out of the pan.  The cinnamon filled ones (recipe on Williams Sonoma site) are pretty damn good however.  My daughter likes them filled with blueberries.  Again this is one of those things that is a little extra work but so tasty in the end you don't mind.  

Geese are evil

Anyone who has ever been near a goose is likely not surprised that yesterday's plane crash was caused by geese.  They're mean, have nuclear level caustic poop, and there's the whole beak/pecky aspect that I find freakish in all birds.  And quite frankly I find all those inspirational teamwork stories (if you work in a big company you've most likely heard this crap) about how the geese work together when flying south to torment pasty white elderly northerners to be ridiculously stupid.  

Has anyone else seen those commercials for that thing to amplify your hearing and thought "hey...that looks interesting?"  Years of walkman/ipod abuse have likely done a number on my hearing but the past few months of insanely high decibel toddler shrieks directly in my ear have put me on the fast track to the Listen Up.  By the way, the acting in that commercial is awesome, especially the "can you turn that DOWN" lady.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck (aside from hearing aids) is the new french toast recipe I tried yesterday.  I warn you, it's a bit of work but the french toast really is quite tasty.   I used challah and would highly recommend that or brioche.

French Toast

8 large slices hearty white sandwich bread, challah, or brioche

1 1/2 cups whole milk, warmed to about 80 degrees (or warm to touch)

3 large egg yolks

3 T light brown sugar

1/2 t cinnamon

2 T unsalted butter, melted

1/4 t table salt

1T vanilla

1.  Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat to 300 degrees.  Place bread on wire rack set in rimmed baking sheet.  Bake bread until almost dry throughout (center should remain slightly moist), about 16 minutes, flipping halfway during cooking.  Remove bread from rack and let cool 5 minutes.  Return baking sheet and wire rack to 200 degree oven (if you want to keep it warm and serve all at once).

2.  Whisk milk, yolks, sugar, cinnamon, 2 T melted butter, salt, and vanilla in large bowl until blended.  Transfer to 13x9 inch baking pan.

3.  Soak bread in milk mixture until saturated but not falling apart, 20 seconds per side.  Using firm slotted spatula, pick up bread slice and allow excess milk mixture to drip off, repeat with remaining slices.  Place soaked bread on another baking sheet or platter.

4.  Heat 1/2 T butter in 12 inch skillet over medium low heat.  When foaming subsides, use slotted spatula to transfer 2 slices soaked bread and cook until golden brown - 3 to 4 minutes.  Flip and cook an add'l 3-4 minutes.  

5. Do not try to calculate the nutritional information for this.  It is delicious and hey, you deserve it.  

Pet Peeve

I know this probably indicates some sort of OCD on my part but it really bothers me when someone has a blog and makes a big deal about how they are a writer (have some sort of degree, get paid for actually being a writer, something like that) and then they repeatedly have grammar and spelling errors on their blog.  I know I slip up once in a while but I'm not claiming to be a "writer" and hawking my literary wares looking for writing work from my vast audience of 12 readers either.  

Fuck up #1 = IT'S.  For the love of god people, please learn this grammar rule.  It's not even that hard to learn its proper use.  See how I did that?  Easy peasy.  

Tantrums

I remember reading a while ago on Electric Boogaloo about how funny she thought the toddler tantrums were in the sense that a toddler could just get so wigged out about something completely irrational, like when her son lost it because she wouldn't let him drive the car.  And the universe saw me reading that and thinking it was funny so a few days ago I spent a 15 minute car ride to Target with a 19 month old who was super pissed off that I wouldn't let her drive the car. Once at Target, in a few moments of complete insanity (and possible low blood sugar and lack of diet dr pepper) I contemplated buying her a Power Wheels jeep so she could just have her own damn car.  But then I called my husband so I could hear myself saying it out loud and have someone (and my own inner rational person) say WHAT are you going to buy?  

We were actually at Target to find a bubble machine because - public service announcement - if you leave them outside moths appear to be attracted to them and go inside and die and the bubble machine won't work anymore.  But I guess it's not bubble machine season and there were none to be had.  We ended up with a bowling game instead.

I'm having trouble coming up with something that doesn't suck today.  I had surgery yesterday to remove that pesky scar tissue from the old ute and the anesthesia has sort of knocked me for a loop.  I've got a whopper of a headache today.  Ok, I got it.  Today's thing that doesn't suck is this website for kids.  My mom is a teacher and she got us hooked on it.  It's a good learning tool even for little kids, my daughter is pretty interested in the letter stuff and will repeat some of the letter sounds.  That is if she will stop screwing with the desk phone long enough to pay attention.

I am hopelessly out of touch

I do not understand this whole Jonas brothers thing.  And as technologically adept and savvy as I am, I don't really see the whole point of text messaging.  There's nothing urgent I ever need to tell anyone.  Well I need to tell my toddler to get the hell off the kitchen table for the 100th time today but since she can't read yet, text messaging isn't the best communication media for that.  So I cannot even fathom how a 13 year old could send over 14,000 text messages in a month. Quite frankly I don't even know why a 13 year old needs a cell phone.  If my child were old enough and begging for a phone, I'd get her that giant Jitterbug phone that they market to seniors and she'd only be able to call 911, me, and some sort of emergency cupcake delivery service (for mama).  

Today's thing that doesn't suck is the Sierra down booties.  I don't even live in a cold place anymore but I really do not like having cold feet and these things rock.  You will never have cold feet again.  You will however have stinky feet because your feet will sweat in them.  I haven't attempted washing them, I'll have to try that and report back.  Added bonus: they have a vaguely moon boot'ish appearance so you can get all nostalgic.  

Bacuum

There are some pretty strong feelings about the bacuum (as my daughter calls it) around here.  The dog goes completely, insanely, barkily, nutso at even the sight of it.  My daughter was initially scared of it but now has settled into ambivalence.  All evidence points to my husband being scared to death of it since I've never seen him use it.  I was syncing my iphone today and noticed that my toddler had apparently photographed the vacuum (and her feet, the couch, and many, many, unidentifiable things).  Probably for that little dossier she's starting up for child protective services - "see here, this is the vacuum that she never let me play with no matter how much I cried, now....let's talk about the awful meals I was forced to eat, not a single one included m&m's."

Hey, while we're on the subject of toddler food (brilliant segue don't you think), I have one of those semi-picky, otherwise known as normal toddlers.  I gave her plenty of different stuff which she happily ate right up until about her first birthday.  Now it's very much hit or miss.  My new year's resolution for the family is to eat as little processed food as possible.  I felt like I was in a rut with her, sticking with a few tried and true things and the occasional new thing.  Now I'm trying to introduce several new things each week.  I bought that Jessica Seinfeld book a while ago and I must say it left me uninspired.  The few things I tried to make didn't really taste all that great and it wasn't like they were packed full of vegetables.  And my daughter will usually eat vegetables, I was just looking for some inspiration for new ways to fix things.  I stumbled upon a couple of toddler focused food websites that are pretty good: ittybittybistro and weelicious are a couple of my faves.  Today's thing that doesn't suck is the sweet potato pudding from weelicious.  It calls for soy milk but I just used whole milk (I also added a teaspoon of brown sugar) and my daughter really liked it.  I got these mini cheese souffles at Costco not that long ago which were ok (like $8 for 4 of them) but the best part is that they come with these great little ceramic souffle dishes which I use for this.  One sweet potato will fill 4 mini souffle dishes.  On the downside, the recipe does not call for m&m's so again, more evidence for CPS.   

Mini post

To say how proud I am of my daughter.  We had a playdate for about 10 kids at our house today.  It was nice (80 degrees) so mostly the kids played outside.  At one point, out of the corner of my eye, I see my 19 month old standing in the middle of the yard laughing and pulling her pants down.  She's got a delightful future of mardi gras and girls gone wild ahead of her.  

Stain removal and mess

First, I get it that you don't want to deal with messy kids all day every day and I only have one kid so it's not such a big deal for me BUT, if you won't let your kids get messy on their birthday then you might be a tad anal.  Just sayin'.  This whole thing reminds me of a guy I went to grad school with.  He and his wife have seven children.  And seeing their family is the only time I've ever thought "hey it might be kind of fun to have a brood of kids" because they are the sweetest, nicest, family you could imagine.  They don't sweat the small stuff.  Because two - yes two - of their children have had cancer.  Each of them was 5 when diagnosed, different types of cancers, and both of them survived (it's been 10 years for one and 5 for the other) and have done well.   So once in a while I let my child make a big mess just because I'm so damn happy that she's here.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck is the learning tower (pictured, with stock child and not my own).  I've said before that my daughter likes to help in the kitchen.  But three nosedives off a kitchen chair were frazzling my nerves and probably not so good for her noggin.  So I finally gave in and bought this contraption, which I originally thought was ridiculous and overpriced when I saw it in a catalog.  But now she can stand next to me at the counter and I don't have to worry that she's going to go careening onto our nice hard tile floor anymore.  And it has add-ons to expand its use as an easel and puppet theatre.  Yeah, I love it.  This purchase has also confirmed that my initial intuition is usually wrong.  Every toy I think she will love she gazes at disinterestedly and every thing I initially think is stupid turns out to be the most awesome thing ever.  Case in point - shape sorter in the $1 bin at Target has been her favorite toy for about 6 months now.  

Things I don't understand, chapter 179

I've stopped watching now but the obsessive neat/clean tendencies of Kate of John & Kate plus 8 befuddle me.  Like the time she was freaked out that the kids were going to get messy when decorating cupcakes FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY.  Some whole thing about how she spends so much time doing stain removal and she couldn't bring separate outfits because that was so much work for her.  Even though she has someone who folds all her laundry and puts it away and someone who irons it.  Because we all know that loading it in the machine is the arduous part of laundry duty.  Anywhooo, my kid would last about 12 seconds in the Gosselin household because she's a dirty girl.  Rarely do we make it through the day in one outfit.  Like today, when she helped make cupcakes and I gave her the beater to lick the batter (I use pasteurized eggs so we can eat to our hearts' content).  Fortuitously enough she had already removed her pants (pair 2 of the day) in a previous episode of exhibitionism so the mess mostly just got on my table and chair.  Which like her, are washable.  

Now to the things I don't understand.  That Beyonce song "Single ladies (put a ring on it)."  I even checked online to verify that the lyrics are "if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it."  Now the "it" that she's referring to the ex-boyfriend liking (yes, I've deconstructed this song because it was bugging me that damn much) - is it her, sex, her laundry skills, what exactly?  I kind of don't get Beyonce.  She's pretty and seems like a perfectly nice person but her music doesn't do much for me, especially after reading through these lyrics - they're really stupid.  The next musical thing I don't understand is what in the hell is that thing that Britney Spears is doing to her voice in "Womanizer" and pretty much every song she's released in the past couple of years?  It's like she went to the spy shop and got a voice changer.  Was she perhaps a secret informant recently and just had the voice changer left over and thought - hey, I'll go ahead and take this into the studio.  If so, what kind of valuable information could she have had, probably something Cheeto related I am surmising.  Boy do I hate when there's no NPR stories on the radio.

Today's thing that doesn't suck is the book Chip Wants a Dog.  I hate to ruin it for those of you who haven't read it but it's about Chip and he wants a dog.  And his parents won't let him have one, because his mom is a cat person.  But then Chip realizes he doesn't need a dog, he IS a dog. And then he teaches himself some new tricks and is very happy.  It really is a very cute book, my daughter asks to read it every night - "Chip? Chip?" (which was confusing the first couple of times because I thought she was asking for chips and she got a confused look when I said we weren't eating, it's bedtime).  Now that our little communication problem is solved, we happily read this book every night and we are always happy that Chip gets what he wants.  

We interrupt the things that don't suck momentum

I'm sorry today's post will I'm afraid only deal with things (person) that suck.  Ann Coulter.  My daily dose of Matt Lauer was horrifyingly interrupted by a shrill harpie this morning.  Apparently Ann has taken time away from teaching 2nd graders that a cocktail dress and go-go boots are never inappropriate attire to write yet another book.  Really, people read her books?  Aside from being devoid of humor and intelligence Ann is also devoid of any sense of irony.  Her book has something to do with liberals playing the victim and yet she spent her entire (what seemed like) 4 hours on the show whining about how she got canceled from the show the day earlier.  It sounded sort of oh, victimlike.  She appeared to be making some argument that all the ills of society can be traced back to illegitimate children and single moms.  Except those born in Alaska apparently.  Interestingly, I didn't hear her come up with any solutions to this sweeping "problem."  I'm sure it probably has something to do with wearing cocktail attire though.

New obsession

My husband's fascination with Radiohead has now been replaced by an obsession with Wilco.  It's like living with iTunes Rain Main.  "Do you know the story behind Yankee Hotel Fox Trot?" "Do you know how many grammy awards Wilco has been nominated for?"  To which I replied "I seem to remember that Milli Vanilli WON grammy awards so what does that say."  For the record, I like Wilco.  In fact, I liked them before last week when my husband seems to have discovered them.  Here's the somewhat ironic thing.  My brother works for a funky record label and has a crazy amount of music (he carries around an external hard drive full of it because his computer doesn't come close to having enough memory) so my husband has more than ample opportunity to be exposed to new stuff.  For free.   I hope he doesn't "discover" Joy Division next week.  I'd hate to have to tell him the whole Ian Curtis story and burst the little way back bubble he seems to be living in. 

Today's thing that doesn't suck is actually a person.  Nora Ephron.  I realized after I discovered that You've Got Mail was on for the one millionth time and I watched it for the one millionth time that I've got a serious Ephron obsession going.  The only difference is that I don't walk around the house and say "did you know that Nora Ephron guessed who Deep Throat was even though Carl Bernstein never told her because she herself admits she is very indiscrete?"  This piece about her time as an intern in the Kennedy White House is so hilarious that when my mother was trying to tell me about it she couldn't stop laughing long enough for me to decipher what she was saying.  My favorite Nora Ephron work is Heartburn.   I loved the book and the movie is pretty good too.  It's a good answer for the claims that the romantic comedy is ruining your life.

On tomorrow's agenda: see if I can link even more than I did today. 

A mom could see this coming a mile away

When my daughter wants something she usually says something like "see" or "touch" or more commonly she just says "THIS!"  Today when she was eating lunch my husband got out a container of ice cream and proceeded to eat it about oh, 5 feet away from her.  She saw him, immediately dropped the broccoli she had in her hand and pointed at him saying "this, this, this!" So when I said "good move" to my husband his dumbass response was "what? she doesn't know this is ice cream."  Uh, I think she does know that it's ice cream given her reaction you genius.  

Today's thing that doesn't suck: The Stokke Tripp Trapp Chair.   I really did not want one of those giant high chairs.  I don't like the looks of them or how much room they take up and everyone told me they are a nightmare to clean.  So I bought the $25 IKEA plastic high chair that we used from about 6-16 months.  I had planned to get the Tripp Trapp chair at some point and that point came when my daughter started standing up in the IKEA high chair (the restraint system is pretty nonexistent - the only downside).  This chair is awesome.  She sits up at the table, which she loves, it has a harness restraint that keeps her safely contained, and it looks good.  The chair can hold up to 300 pounds and my friend has the previous version (kinderzeat) and her kids still use them at age 8.  It's not a cheap chair but since chairs in general are expensive it doesn't seem out of line.  I got mine at a local place that was closing out some of last year's models and it was only $200.  The woman at the store told me that this is yet another one of those price fixed items so they can't advertise sales so if you find a local place that has them I would recommend trying to get them to discount it.  The add ons to make it usable for a younger child (rail and pad) are pricey so I wouldn't use it for an infant, the cheap IKEA high chair is perfect for that.  Oddly, once we moved my daughter from the high chair to this chair the volume of food dropped on the floor was reduced significantly.  

How stupid are you people?

Our city often pushes garbage collection forward one day when there is a holiday.  And in case you're not sure, they post the schedule on their website.  Yet, last week everybody had their trash out on the usual day.  And it was windy that day so since garbage collection was actually one day later there was a full day for Barbie boxes from Christmas to blow into our yard.  I notice today (our usual day) that again, people are so damn dumb they've put the trash out.  Ok, I can see that last week you may not have realized (because you're a moron) that trash pickup was delayed but wouldn't last week's schedule have clued these people in that THIS week might be delayed too??

Today's thing that doesn't suck: Fisher Price Rainforest Peek A Boo Waterfall Soother.  I bought this when my daughter was about 6 weeks old and she has been completely into it from day one.  And she uses it every day.  I turn it on when she goes down for nap and bed and in the morning she uses it like a snooze alarm.  It's hilarious, I can see her on the video monitor reach up from a lying position and smack her hand on it to turn it on over and over.  Surprisingly it doesn't suck batteries like crazy, they usually last several months.  This evens out the purchase of the Bumbo seat which turned out to be one of the dumbest baby related purchases.  My kid hated that thing and we used it maybe 3 times. 

Is it just me?

Is it just me or do you get totally freaked out whenever you watch tv or read a newspaper or even try and just find some good celebrity gossip on the internet that does not involve a beef jerkey looking Donatella Versace because there is an overwhelming abundance of stories about how the world as we know it is over?  What pray tell is the point of yet another story of how job hunting is impossible, selling your house is impossible, financing your retirement is impossible?  I find myself trying to talk myself off a figurative ledge about every 2 hours or so.  I know, many people are in a lot worse situation than I am but it's not like I'm sitting around wishing for a Louis Vuitton purse or a yacht (sorry, too much Real Housewives of Orange County), I would just like for my husband to find a job and maybe have another kid.  Oy.

So I've decided that every day (well every day I post) I'm going to post something that doesn't suck.  Perhaps the cumulative karma of non suckage will create some sort of karma tornado and whip up Bernie Madoff and Osama bin Laden and drop some puppies and marshmallows in their place.

Today's installment of things that do not suck: Sticky Toffee Pudding (picture above).  I found this at my local Whole Foods and is made by a local Austin small business.  I do not understand how something made with dates - seriously - can be so freaking delicious but it is.