Recipe for ideal play date

Yesterday I re-tooled my play date formula and I've hit upon the perfect way to have one of these things. I give you the "really slow on the uptake mom's play date recipe" meaning it took me about 10 bad play dates to figure this out.

1. Instead of having 15 kids, have like oh, 3.
2. Don't invite those kids that spend the whole time beating the crap out of the other kids.
3. Don't invite those kids who spend the time not beating the crap out of the other kids smearing chocolate hand prints on your walls, pouring the bubbles out of the bubble jar onto your floor, or tracking mud throughout the house.
4. You will find that the kids in #2 and the kids in #3 are the same kids.
5. Serve mojitos.
6. Fill up that giant kiddie pool you got for $8 at Walgreens for 75% off, give those kids access to the hose, some sand, cookies, and juice boxes and you've got yourself about an hour of uninterrupted mojito and gossip time.

Yes, someone will probably be crying about something at some point during your play date, just ignore them and go back to that mojito, they are very likely not bleeding or in danger of losing an eye.