Yes, I called the RE

Before we do the frozen cycle I have to get a sonohysterography test.  Because apparently, my uterus hasn't seen enough messin' with it lately.  So I'll get that this month and  then do the frozen transfer hopefully in January.  

My clinic grades embryos on a scale of 1(best)-4(worst).  We have 1 grade 2 and 2 grade 3 embryos frozen.  They will thaw them all and see what happens.  According to my doctor, IF they survive the thaw then your chances for pregnancy are good.  I asked what grade the embryos were in the cycle that resulted in my daughter.  They were grade 3, so 2 grade 3 (fresh) embryos resulted in a successful pregnancy.  On a purely objective level, that give me hope.  On the subjective I suck at getting and staying pregnant level, I'm not as convinced.  

Boy I haven't really missed the cycle to cycle living these past two years. 

Who are you?

One of my best friends has a husband who is paradoxically a nice guy and kind of jerky.  He makes these digs about her, kind of like he's jesting but it seems more critical than anything.  Like once we were on a trip together and she was saying we should get dessert and he said something like "she doesn't think it's a meal unless it includes dessert" (by the way she's a runner and is about 4'11" and probably doesn't even weigh 100 pounds).  And I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard.  Because I sometimes have dessert after breakfast.  Ok, I have dessert for breakfast.  I married someone more in my league.  We just had lunch.  And then some apple pie.  And some candy to chase the pie.  

I don't know

My friend tells me to watch Weeds.  I say I have commitment issues, I can't commit to a new show, particularly one that requires watching old episodes to catch up.  She tells me it will save my life.  I say I'm holding out for the show called "martinis and cupcakes." THAT show will save my life.  Until that show launches, I'll start saving my life on my own with martinis and cupcakes.

WTF

A worker at wal*mart was trampled by throngs of shoppers??!!?  Come on people,  there is nothing at wal*mart worth trampling anyone for.  Including the shopper my mom saw the other night.  She is visiting my brother for Thanksgiving but he doesn't have a coffee maker so she had to go buy one.  An aside, he is vegan so he invited everyone for Thanksgiving then later said that he wouldn't allow a turkey to be cooked in his house.  Fine, whatever, we respect your wishes (I'm vegetarian) but perhaps you shouldn't have invited everyone for THANKSGIVING dude.  They ended up going out to dinner.  Anywhoo, at wal*mart the guy in front of my mother in line was buying a $40 curio cabinet.  With a big bag of half dollars.  

Another random side note, it is raining and my husband just took the dog for a walk.  And now the dog has decided to set up shop right under my chair.  Is there a more unappealing smell than wet dog?

Wordy

The munchkin picks up a few new words every day now.  We are probably just a couple months shy of our own Pearl the landlord video.  Today's word(s) were apple pie.  Which is totally better than "oh shit."  

To Do list

I'm a list maker.  Especially crap that needs to get done, if I don't write it down, I forget.  Except the one thing that's been lingering on my list for a while now "call doctor's office."  It's the RE I need to call.  To get the info. on starting a frozen cycle to use our 3 frozen embryos.  I've written it down so much because otherwise I'll forget but more as a constant little prod.  I might as well write "DO IT, DO IT, DO IT" next to it because at this point I need a little shove.  Every day I look at the list and think, I'm so busy today, I'll do it tomorrow.  I've been doing this for weeks.  

The truth is it's not because I don't want another baby, it's because I do want one, a lot.  And the longer I wait to call, the longer that hope is there.  Once we start the next cycle, it starts the inevitableness of the outcome clock ticking.  I'm ready for another baby.  I'm not ready for another miscarriage.  I'm not ready for another failed cycle.  

My online friend who turned into a real life friend DD (I read her blog and figured out we went to the same clinic and our first IVF cycles were at the same time) told me today to just call.  So I will.  

I hate Dr. Pepper company

Ok, a little harsh.  But holy crap I want my free diet dr pepper.  And I couldn't get the damn site to load yesterday for the free dr pepper because guns n roses (a band I hate) released a new album.  So I was excited today the the offer was extended but what the fuck, every email address of mine I try to use they say has already been used.  So some damn spammer out there is drinking MY diet dr pepper.  Well I'm never buying your penis enlargement pills now you jerks.  In the words of Corky St. Clair you are all "bastard people" - the whole lot of you - the dr pepper people, the spammers who stole my soda, and yes even guns n roses because you are just old and greasy and I do not like your crappy music.  

Lacking in the baby skills department

I walked in from a 9 mile run this morning and the first thing my husband said to me was "you better check her diaper, I just found some poop on the floor." 

Seriously, you found poop on the floor and your first inclination was not to CHECK THE BABY'S DIAPER?  Oh Christ, Christ hanging on the cross, dude, get some coping skills.  

Road kill

In Nebraska they pick up the road kill - well the bigger road kill anyway.  Not here in Texas.  I've seen lots of dead deer, dogs, cats, raccoons, etc. and it NEVER gets removed.  There's a deer alongside my running trail that got hit by a car about a week ago.   It's starting to smell pretty rank and apparently the vultures are asleep at the wheel.

The deer this week reminded me of a story that a friend told me a few years ago.  His neighborhood was bordered by some woods so they occasionally had deer in their neighborhood.  The people down the street had a standard poodle that all the kids on the street were deathly afraid of.  Finally my friend asked his son why everyone was so scared of the dog.  "Dad, that dog killed a deer" his son told him.  Turns out the dog had happened upon a dead deer and ripped its leg off and took off down the street, running with a deer leg hanging out of its mouth.  Most of the neighborhood kids happened to be outside at the time and were completely freaked out at the site, assuming the dog had taken down the deer.  I know that standard poodles are kind of big but damn it, they're still POODLES.  

On my high horse

The other day at a playdate some moms were talking about kids riding rear facing in the car seat beyond one year.  Pretty much every mom there said they knew it was safer but not a single one of them has their child rear facing if they are over 1 year old.  My daughter is still rear facing at 18 months and she's totally fine with it.  The rear facing weight limit for our car seats is 35 pounds so I plan to keep her rear facing for that long.  

At a year I admit, I wavered.  How much easier it would be if she was turned around and I could more efficiently hand her a snack or see if she was sleeping, how much more interesting it would be for her, I thought.  So I did some reading, found out how much safer she'd be (forward facing children under 2 are 75% more likely to be injured in a crash) and read horror stories of children riding forward facing who suffered horrible neck injuries in crashes.  Then I watched the crash test videos and saw for myself the difference.   If you're on the fence or haven't hit the magical 1 year/20 pounds yet, do some research, watch the crash videos, read some stories of children with neck injuries THEN make your decision.  

Warning label

I bought some Kiehl's baby lip balm for my daughter because she has chapped lips - because she is always sucking her thumb which seems to make her lips rough.  Anywhoo, she likes the stuff but after I put it on she usually spends the next hour touching her lips.  Today, a new development.  Which is prompting me to request the following warning be placed on the lip balm.

Warning: This product is so luscious that it will inspire your toddler to immediately kiss a wall in your house.  By the way, this product won't be coming off that wall.  Because even we didn't think your child was that damn weird.  

Boys

File this under: Things I already knew because I grew up in a house of boys.

Yesterday we went to a playdate.  Of the toddler children (I'm omitting the few infants there), this is how things went:

Two children want to use same toy - incidentally the toys that seem to inspire universal toddler desire to have someone else's are: doll stroller, lawn mower, car that kid can ride in that some dumb adult has to push with giant handle.  If one or both children in this equation are boys, here's what happens.  The boy does some combination of the following: (a) hits (b) bites (c) pushes (d) yells "NO." The girl does some sort of nonverbal "fuck it" hand/face gesture and walks away and finds another toy.  I watched this scenario play out probably 50 times yesterday.   

Ok - 'splain this to me

Eliot Spitzer's hooker is apologizing to his wife.  Hey, she was just doing her job.  He's the douche in this whole thing right?  

Happy anniversary you crazy kids!

Guess who's celebrating 2 years?  That's right, Tom and Katie.  After being married 3 times, shouldn't the guy kind of know how to kiss by now?  He looks like a 12 year old boy practicing kissing with a department store mannequin.   There's probably going to be some hot anniversary sex tonight eh?  With a department store mannequin I mean.  

A bunch of rambly stuff

First, here is proof that despite all posts to the contrary, the dog is actually quite cute and lovable on most occasions.  He has managed to overcome his very early "eat the baby" leanings and is now more in the "I love the baby, especially when she has snacks" frame of mind.  In this pic, she's napping and he's waiting for her (he's figured out baby awake = baby possibly eating something very delicious).  

I had a doctor's appointment today that took forever so when I finally got home the child greeted me with no pants, no socks, and no hair clip.  I asked the husband why she wasn't wearing any pants, "I changed her diaper and didn't feel like putting them back on," the socks were "in that general vicinity" - pointing to a laundry basket the child had filled with dishtowels, and the hair bow "I think she had it somewhere around the baby gate."  It is progress however since he did change her diaper, so I couldn't really say anything.

Is it just me or is anyone else sort of pissed that with all the bailouts people could potentially get rewarded for being irresponsible?  I saw something recently that one of the (thankfully nixed) plans was to write off credit card debt.  What about those of us that didn't get giant mortgages and don't have massive credit card debt?  An extension of unemployment benefits would be nice so I hope that passes.  Better than that, an economy on better footing and a brand new shiny job for my hubby would be perfect.  

Music

Yesterday I was creating a new playlist on my iPod to get psyched up for my long run this morning.  And it was then that I remembered that my mother in law said something when we were visiting them about how she has a really "eclectic mix" of music on her iPod.  And I thought, you know what, everything thinks that they have eclectic musical tastes and that somehow means they are cool.  It's like how everyone thinks they have a good sense of humor but clearly everyone does not (see Dick Cheney as proof).  Conversations with my mother in law are normally pretty one sided, she talks about herself  barely coming up for air and I scan the room for some excuse to get away - "oh my god I really need to go over there and watch that squirrel feeder out the window" - so I don't ask many questions (this just prolongs things).  But I was sort of curious to see what this mysterious eclectic mix of music was.  Michael Buble and Heart.  Edgy huh?

Dog shopping advice

Inspired by the new prez to get yourself a dog?  Let me share the wisdom of dog ownership and give you this handy checklist of things to look for (and avoid).  

• What's the dog's reaction to the vacuum? What you're looking for here is: (a) does not notice (b) seems kind of scared but runs off to another room.   Not good: (a) completely loses his shit if he even sees the vaccum, it doesn't even have to be on (b) growls and tries to bite the vacuum when you are using it (c) has chewed through the cord and/or hose of more than one vacuum.
• If a guy you used to date comes over for a visit (because you are sort of friendly with him and feel sorry for him because his mother has just died) does the dog (a) greet him with a wet nose and wagging tail or (b) jump at him and bite his penis?
• Does the dog pee on pillows and or bedding for no apparent reason?  This isn't so good.  Neither is a proclivity to hump the pillows even though his man junk was removed long ago.
• Will the dog wake me at say, 4:00 every morning to compulsively lick and scratch himself? 
• Will it take the dog somewhere north of 5 years to figure out that he can just go to the door and indicate he needs to go outside instead of just pooping in the hallway?
• Is the dog's preferred sleeping position on your pillow with half its body on your head?
• What is the dog's propensity to get on the dining room table right before Thanksgiving dinner?  Most dinner guests do not like their turkey pre-licked.

***Warning: the licky, scratchy, bitey, humpy, dogs sometimes come in very cute outer packages.  This is trickery.  That adorable little white dog at the pound who just sits there and doesn't bark or anything?  Yeah, that's just the first part of his evil plan to lure you in and spend the next 15 years or so torturing you.  

Poor Amy Carter

I think I can safely say that none among us wants our childhood pictures of the 70's trotted out. And we certainly don't want them shown to the whole goddamned world.  Especially if we are say, wearing a cape.   If I was Amy Carter I'd still be a little pissed at my dad for being the president in the late 70's and thrusting me into the limelight and ensuring that my awkward adolescence would haunt me for the rest of my life.  Nobel Prize?  Whatever dude, I'm wearing safety glasses, were you going to have me do some welding around the White House? 

And what about the going to school pic?  A) It looks like there are about 150 pounds of books in that Snoopy book bag (which is awesome by the way and I wish I had one right this minute) and B) Are her hands taped up for a boxing match?

So here's my advice for Miss Malia Obama (because you will be hitting those early teenage years when your dad is in office).  Do not let history repeat itself.  You are cute and smart but all of us have been talked into a bad hairdo by our mothers or our idiot friends.  Some of us may have worn ponchos, thinking "oh these are so warm and fuzzy and fun, they will always be cool!" Or we gave in when our mother put together an outfit of nude panty hose and hurrache sandals with a turquoise dress (complemented by a brand new Toni home perm) and begged us to wear it because grandma never sees you in a dress.  But we only rarely are reminded of these disasters because back in those days we had to get pictures developed and our mother is very unorganized and god only knows where the pictures or the negatives are.  But I digress.  You are a child of the modern era.  One mis-step and that picture is sent to the world and digitally saved forever.  So RIGHT NOW, sit your father down and have a little talk about executive orders and how the first one should be that you own the rights to every digital image of yourself.  

Guy Ritchie would have been way better off marrying me

Apparently Madonna's got 12 rules that she wants Guy to abide by to see his children.  Run of the mill stuff like they should only drink Kabbalah water, be read the books she wrote (which I'm sure suck though I haven't the inclination to read them), and not wear man-made fibers.  Oh also they shouldn't be photographed.  This is reported in an article accompanied by 3 photographs of Guy greeting them at the airport so yeah Madonna, you can suck it, love Guy.

Guy would have it so much easier if he were the father of my child.  Here are the general rules at our house when dad is in charge of the child:

• Just keep her alive until I get home.
• If poop is leaking out of her diaper onto her pants and the floor, for the love of god, CHANGE HER.
• Try to come up with something a little more nutritious for lunch than goldfish crackers and pretzels.  
• The toilet brush isn't really the best toy.  Especially when it's dripping toilet water all over the carpet.
• I'm not kidding, do not open the windows that she can reach, she knows how to push out the screens and then she'll be on the lam.   And I haven't gotten around to getting her microchip implanted yet.....wait maybe that's the dog I'm thinking of..... in any event both the baby and the dog are plotting something so keep them away from the windows. 
• Try to limit the television watching to say 6 or 7 hours of sportscenter, she's doing pretty well with her fantasy football league this year but too much football just puts her in an aggressive mood.  

Mother of the year

approx 9:30 this morning. 

Husband: What is that crusted on the baby's nose - is that blood!?

Me: No.

Him: Well what is it?

Me:  Brownie batter.

**I used pasteurized eggs so no salmonella worries blogland.  

I am silently judging you

I am training for a 1/2 marathon so Sundays are my long run days.  When you are on a run that lasts two hours, even the ipod isn't enough to keep your mind occupied.  Luckily I run on a trail that is fairly heavily used so I can spend my time silently judging everyone I pass.  My stream of consciousness goes a bit like this:

• Cute dog, hey I wonder what kind of dog the Obama girls are going to get?
  
• Oh boy, men should not run in shorts that tight, I don't need to see the junk.
  
• That kid's helmet isn't on right.
  
• I do not need to see that dog pooping.  you aren't going to pick up?  geez dude.
  
• Hey fisherman guy, I can see your entire butt when you bend over, see tight shorts comment, don't need to see that either.
  
• That british show Dr. Who, what the hell is that about?
• I am totally going to eat all that chex mix when I get home.  I should make brownies, but I'm going to be so tired.  
• Oh my god I have to go to the bathroom AGAIN.
• Is that couple holding hands?  I wonder if they just met?  They look older, maybe they've been married a while?   I wonder how many couples hold hands after like 5 years of marriage?
• What is that woman carrying? Notes?  Is she reading notes and running?  Really you have to multitask that much?
• Hey genius couple, do not throw a play catch with a football on either side of a heavily trafficked trail.  Wait, neither of you can throw or catch, put the ball down right now and skeedaddle back to the star trek convention.  
• What in the hell is that woman wearing?  Ok, who goes running in a twin set and black chinos?  Is someone chasing her?  Nope, she's actually going for a run in that outfit.  

I'm getting old....and stupid

My mom is having surgery on her rotator cuff because the muscles have pretty much completely degenerated to the point where there's nothing holding it together.  It's a degenerative thing and not linked to any specific injury - though I think we all suspected that her years as an NFL quarterback would probably come back to haunt her.  I kid.  So I've got shoulder stuff on my mind.  So when mine started to hurt I thought perhaps it was some sort of similar degenerative thing in the early stages.  Then I remembered that I tried to use the stupid log roll thing (pictured above) on the playground the other day with my daughter.  I thought it would be fun to show her how it worked and HEY, I am athletic and fit I thought.  The one thing I sort of overlooked is that I am not coordinated.  So approximately .005 seconds after getting on this thing the log rolled and I was thrown, luckily I was hanging on to the handles so instead of falling flat on my face I just sort of lurched forward and my arms felt like they were going to be ripped off.   So uh that's probably the cause of the shoulder pain.  Well that or my recent collision with the edge of a metal shelf in the garage because I don't have any depth perception either.  No coordination or depth perception, it's a winning combination.  Especially for things like volleyball, where more often than not I just stand there and get smacked in the face with the ball then flail my arms about.   That's why I'm a runner (though truth be told I've fallen a lot).

She's very advanced for her age

I know people love it when you brag about your kid but really mine is quite advanced.  At 17 months she has full on tantrums which I previously thought was the provenance of those of at least 2 years.  I remember reading one of my favorite bloggers describe how funny she thought the toddler tantrums were, specifically the irrationality that would set them off, like her son having a tantrum because she would not let him drive the car.  That's kind of how they go around here.  We've had tantrums this week because I would not let the child: continue her attempt to climb OVER the baby gate - she was stopped after she pushed a tiny chair from her table and chair set so that she could get some leverage over the gate, push out the screens from the windows (and now we have to have nearly every window closed despite good weather), stand on the coffee table, play with scissors - big sharp kitchen shears, or continue her attempt to ride the dog (who now weighs less than she does).  

Not all steps forward

Our incumbent senator retained his seat on Tuesday.  A senator who  advocates a constitutional ban on gay marriage because it puts a marriage between a human and a box turtle on equal footing as a marriage between a man and a woman.  Yes, he actually said that.  And yes, people actually voted FOR him.  

Are box turtles really that popular?  Are they known for their overwhelming desire to marry into the human species?  Because if allowed, I would marry a cute animal waaay before I'd get to the box turtle.  Like a koala, or panda, or even a cute scraggly little dog.  Except mine, my dog is insane and I need to be married to only one insane individual at a time.  

What kind of world do you want?

I like that song because since I've become a mother it matters so much more to me what kind of world my daughter inherits.  I fell asleep last night before the election had been called, though it was clear what way things were going.  When my little monkey woke me up at 5:00, I stopped at my computer first just to confirm.  The first words I spoke to her this morning were "our new president is Obama!"  

I was a newborn when Grant Park was the site of so much trouble for the Democrats in 1968.  I was born the day after Bobby Kennedy was killed and just two months after Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered.  I am unexpectedly emotional about the outcome of this election, I knew I would be happy but shedding tears, that's taken me by surprise.  It has a profound impact on me knowing that the first president my child will know is Barack Obama.  My reasons for voting for Obama are numerous, primarily because his ideology and policy so closely matched my own, but the thing I just kept going back to was the fact that he is a good man.   And the kind of world that I want is one where the good guys prevail once in a while.  

Helpful Advice

If you are having one of those days where your toddler is well, being a toddler because the whole time change thing screwed her up (starting in the spring oddly enough) and she's getting up for the day at 3:30 and not so surprisingly melting down in the afternoon, let me share a tip with you.  Do not give her a lollipop.  Ok, if you must give her a lollipop, restrain her.  I have found sticky fingerprints on every surface of my house.  

If the child does not start sleeping later I may very well lose my mind very soon.  

crap tv is influencing my life

All of the chick channels are clustered in the same range on our tv.  You've got Lifetime, Lifetime Movie Network, Oxygen, and WE.  My mother does not have the WE channel where she lives so whenever she comes to visit she holes up in the guest bedroom and watches Bridezillas until she can't stand it anymore (many, many, hours later).  So last night when I was sort of watching Bridget Jones' Diary on Lifetime and waiting for Army Wives to start I flipped to the Lifetime Movie Network and caught part of some contrived (of course) movie about a dog trainer who is house sitting and the wealthy neighbor who mistakes him for the penthouse's owner and he starts dating her.  She is played by Jane Krakowski of 30 Rock and Ally McBeel fame.  There's a scene where she and the dog walker are taking a carriage ride in the park (because how else would we know that it was supposed to be romantic?) and he's talking about a dream or something and she says she took a dreams class once while training to be a therapist and dreams aren't always fears sometimes they are desires.  Then he convinces her to jump in the fountain, under the auspices of loosening up but probably more so he can see her in a wet shirt.  

So last night I had a dream that I was swimming in the Olympics.  Not the finals, just a preliminary round.  But in the dream I had the distinct realization that "hey, I'm swimming in the Olympics, and I'm not from a dinky little country either so I must actually be good!"  I'd say more than a desire, this dream is probably more of a fear.  Because unlike Dara Torres, I am not ripped for a 40 year old and really, am not a very fast swimmer.

Dreams about desire on the other hand, always involve Colin Firth.  And on a related connected note to this whole rambling post, I am probably one of the 7 people who laughed at Tina Fey's line on 30 Rock that in preparation for a home study by an adoption agency she had removed all of her Colin Firth movies lest they be considered "erotica."  

How do you make it to 42 without knowing this?

My husband put foil in the microwave.  Where it promptly caught on fire.  Unless you've just arrived in this country from say, Afghanistan, you should know better.